Question

Hi guys can you tell me how I can improve this part of my essay? (I still need more paragraphs but I want to improve it as I go along.) Feel free to edit and change things it would also be nice if you give me advice on how I can make the next few paragraphs (or anything that can help me lol) Oh and word choice is also a thing I need advice on Here is the paragraph below :3 TYSM in advance

Friendship is a wonderful thing where humans interact with one another and develop a bond. It is built on trust dependence and the ability to rely on one another. There is a certain point however, where one so called “friend” oversteps the boundary of dependence and over relies on the other person. In this case, Lennie oversteps this boundary, becoming like a clinging parasite who can’t function while alone. Lennie knows that George dose many good things for him, but he still acts out. George not only has to

sacrifice a lot for Lennie he even pre plans things to do when Lennie gets himself into trouble.

For starters, Lennie acknowledges the fact that George dose so much for him and still refuses to change. His hallucination even stated George is "such a nice fella an' good to you. But you don’t never take no care" (Steinbeck 11). Lennie knows how well treated he is by George but he still can't control himself even for his best bud. Not only did he get himself in trouble once he did it twice. This truly shows the one-sidedness of this relationship. Additionally, His hallucination noted that "when he got a piece of a pie you always got half or more'n half" (Steinbeck 12). This shows how much George cares about Lenie and would go to lengths as even sacrificing a his own pleasure for him. I know for certain that when someone sacrifices there food for you it means that they really care for you or pity you. Even after George graciously gave many things to Lennie to give him pleasure, Lennie refuses to learn or change even though he clearly sees that George is being very kind to him. Moreover, he does all this for you and you just "stew the b'Jesus out of George all the time" (Steinbeck 16) His hallucination said. This proves that Lennie knows that he is not doing anything nice for George while Gorge is doing all these nice things for him. Lennie is intelligent enough to notice that George is supporting him and going out of his way to be kind to Lennie, while Lennie just takes and takes and takes and repays him in screwups and bad actions. As you can tell, Lennie knows that George is doing so much for him and that he is not repaying him fairly. This proves that he is not a good friend but a pericyte.



Additionally, George is not only being kind to Lennie, he is sacrificing a huge chunk of his life for him. For starters, Lennies hallucination retorted, this whole time "he coulda had such a good time if it wasn’t for you. He woulda took his pay an' raised **** in a ware house..." (Steinbeck 15). This shows the pleasurable life George could have had if it wasn't for the clinging weight of his parasitic so called friend Lennie. George could have had fun and lived his life worry free but he had a unnecessary responsibility witch was Lennie, that he was obligated to take care of. Additionally, Gorge even said himself that "If I was alone I could live so easy" (Steinbeck 42). This proves that George realizes what a parasitic burden Lennie is and the grim reality of the situation. This is what have could have possibly led him to killing Lennie. He finally noticed that Lennie could not change and rather than letting him suffer without him he did him a favor by ending his life. It was the last kind thing George did to Lennie. Furthermore, Lennies hallucination exclaimed that whenever there "was any ketchup, why he'd give it all to you" (Steinbeck 12). This is a perfect representation of how much George truly gives to the parasitic person he calls a friend. Lennie continuously gives his all just to get nothing- or worse than nothing- in return. Friendship is a give and take relationship that should be mutually shared between friends but in this instance we can clearly see that Lennie over stepped the boundary and takes more than what he gives. All and all, You can clearly see who is sacrificing more to maintain this toxic one sided friendship.

Answer 1

I thinks is a good paragraph so far but instead of putting humans interact with one another put get along with one and other and boevelop and beautiful bond . Also don’t put as you can tell just start with lennie. Also don’t start with a sentence with And around the last part of your paragraph. :) hope that helped you did really good

Answer 2

Here's constructive criticism.

Step-by-step explanation:

So, I'll start off by saying; sorry if anything I say sounds rude. This is completely constructive and is only being said so you can learn from it.

To begin with, it just seems all over the place. I'm having a hard time telling what exactly this is supposed to be about. Try to organize things when you right, it'll make it easier for your teacher to read.

Secondly, your puncuation needs to be corrected. Go back through and try adding commas and periods (they seem the most neccesary here.)

I would add more because surely it still needs corrections outside of what I listed, but I'll only continue if you want me to. Have a great day!