Final answer:
The distinction between doing the identifying and being identified with in love is crucial for personal development within a relationship. To pursue the romantic ideal healthily, partners must maintain their identities while blending them harmoniously. This balance allows for individual growth and the exploration of love as a complex and creative experience.
Step-by-step explanation:
The distinction between doing the identifying and being identified with is significant in the context of the problematic nature of love as a union. This distinction can lead to an imbalance in the roles of lovers in each other's development as one might take on an active role in self-identification, while the other is passively defined by the relationship. Romantic love, as described by Sternberg, ideally includes intimacy, passion, and commitment, but when the identity of one lover is consumed by the union, these elements can become imbalanced, potentially hindering personal growth.
Furthermore, the pursuit of the romantic ideal often focuses on a simplistic view expressed in Renaissance love poetry—unrequited love. The emphasis on sex, family, and legitimacy as factors in love can similarly constrain the full exploration of individual identities within love. As in early Chinese texts, where identity and harmony are distinct, a healthy romance should harmoniously blend the lovers' identities without forgoing individuality, thereby creating something novel and sustaining personal development.
In romance, it is important to maintain one's identity while creating a harmonious union that allows for growth and exploration. This concept echoes the broader view of romance as distinct from sentimentality and an opportunity for creative expression, as in the quote 'A Plea For Romantic Fiction.'