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5 votes
Autumn and winter by dm

Autumn and winter by dm-example-1
Autumn and winter by dm-example-1
Autumn and winter by dm-example-2
Autumn and winter by dm-example-3
User Shalita
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6.3k points

2 Answers

5 votes
This is cool as hell
User Simeon Nedkov
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4.9k points
1 vote
First impression your characters are gorgeous. If this is for feedback this is what I have for you. Instead of saying autumn colors you could say something like her house was covered in browns, reds, and yellows paying a tribute to the wonderful season she was named after. Another thing is the sentences are very short and choppy in the beginning so you might want to combine some of them. Also indent when you have different point of view changes in order to lessons the confusion. I really enjoyed the story although it is choppy all the way through making it difficult to fall into the story although it is a great concept. With a little revision it would be absolutely phenomenal
User Forkmohit
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5.7k points