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PLEASE HELP ME

Good authors choose their words very carefully. Take a few minutes to write a short paragraph describing an experience you have recently had. Pick a location you went to or an event you attended. Once you have finished, read over what you have written. Now, write a second paragraph. In it, you will repeat the information from the first paragraph, but you will choose your words more carefully. Ask yourself questions like: What words capture this image exactly? What is the best word to convey how something looked, or how I felt? Take more time with the second paragraph. Your response should be at least 150 words in total.​

User Curiouser
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1 Answer

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Don't be intimidated!

Here, I'll go first.

1. I went to a comic convention once and I was with my family so I was a little nervous about it since I'm a bit insecure about my interests. Anyways there was a lot of noise and confusion so we just followed the crowd into the building and walked up and down all the little shops and vender carts. it was really noisy so I had trouble talking to my family, so we went upstairs to see the cosplay runway instead.

2. I cluched my bag close to my chest as the crowd inched towards the glass entryway of the building; a building I wasn't sure my family would enjoy yet. We hadn't waited long, but the drive had already work away most of my patience. I tapped my fingers against my arms until my mom, dad, sister and I were each given silver entry cards. As I tugged my hair out from under the card's necklace, the blue tarp was pulled away to reveal the convention. Hundreds of banners hung from the ceiling above large, vibrant signs pinned to the tops of rows and rows of different stands. People rushed around, shopping bags already filled as they shrieked and shouted past each other. I lead my family through the crowds with a wicked grin, abandoning my insecurities as my eyes danced across soft plushes, plastic figures, leather jackets, mystery boxes, and costumes. Cosplays, I corrected my family, as I asked for pictures with them. My sister held her ears, groveling at the building headache we all felt. With ease I navigated the crowd, twisting between the movements with chaotic rhythm, dancing in harmony.

Ok that's 194 words. See, it's just about being more descriptive about the things that matter and skipping over more redundant phrases like "then we went upstairs." Try to really capture the fwel of the moment, using lists and easier sentences to quicken the pace and more punctuation to slow it down. Good luck!

User Christian Deger
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