Question

I'm writing a short story for school, can someone tell me if I need to revise or change anything? Here is my short story;

First Day of School a short story by Keith Trimew

On the first day of school, Reyota woke up and was not ready for his first day of 6th grade. “Wake up kids and come eat breakfast, I better not see a dirty room either” Reyota’s Mom exclaimed. “Ok fine mom” Reyota cried in despair, not ready to go to school. Reyota then woke up his big sister, Runa, and also woke up his little 5-year-old sister, Yumemi.

They then all went to go brush their teeth and took a shower to be ready for school. Reyota was always the first person to finish his morning routine since he was the only boy in the family, well except his father he works in computer science and Reyota misses his dad cause he never comes home that much cause he’s always at work. Then the kids all head up to the kitchen table to see a wonderful, exquisite first day of school meal. “Wow, mom you really have done it” Yumemi shouted being cheerful as always. They all enjoyed their breakfast and they headed out for the bus. “Bye mom, love you, and thanks for the amazing breakfast,” the kids said. “Today is my very first day of kindergarten” Yumemi exclaimed as she was ready to meet new people and make great friends. They all walk to their bus stop ready to go to school.

They had made it to school and they all were heading to their provided class. Reyota had entered what looked like the best class he had ever seen in his life. The classroom was so decorative and he saw his name tag propped on his desk with three other students at his table. His teacher was a brunette, average height pretty lady who he had already met. Her name was Mrs. Jabami and she had welcomed her students into the classroom. “Welcome everyone!” Mrs. Jabami shouted as the students glaired at her. “Today I’m not gonna stress you and give that much work since it's only your first day.” Reyota was always a little shy. “So to start off this wonderful day, let's play my favorite game, Icebreaker!”

Everyone in the class learned each other's names and Mrs. Jabami announced the class project. They were all put in groups. “Ok class so today we will be doing a big art project and you all will be put in groups of five.” They were put in five and Reyota was already beginning to like this new year and his new classroom just fine. “For any crafts, go behind my desk for anything you like but make sure it's a single file line, Mrs. Jabami exclaimed. They all walked and formed a line as they were ready to start.

‘Ding Ding Ding’! The bell rang for lunch and the students grabbed their lunch boxes but some were a school lunch. Reyota’s mom made the best lunches. They made it to the lunch table and Reyota saw his sisters and they looked like they had made new friends while he hadn’t. Lunch ended and it was time to head home, it was a rough first day for Reyota as he felt that he didn’t make any friends cause all his friends were back where he used to live because he had moved. This is gonna be a new chapter for Reyota as his new school year, new school, and the new house had been set into motion. He walked home and thought to himself I can’t wait to meet new people!



Names from the anime “kakegurui” Copyrighted © 2020 Keith Trimew

Answer 1

-When the kids are talking to their mom, "mom" should be capitalized.

-When it says: “For any crafts, go behind my desk for anything you like but make sure it's a single file line, Mrs. Jabami exclaimed. ... Make sure to put in the quotation mark at the end, when Mrs. Jabami is talking.

-When it says" 'Ding Ding Ding'! the exclamation point should be inside of the '!', not outside.

-When it says: This is gonna be a new chapter for Reyota as his new school year, new school, and the new house had been set into motion. ... Try not to use "gonna be", instead use "going to be".

-When it says: He walked home and thought to himself I can’t wait to meet new people! Make sure that when he is thinking to himself, you put 'I can't wait to meet new people!' in the apostrophes.

Step-by-step explanation:

Answer 2

The short story looks amazing! There is nothing you need to add! P.S. Love the names!