46,965 views
14 votes
14 votes
Rate this story from 1 thru 10.

1 being the worst
10 being the best.

please say if I should add or change something.

The story:
The General's daughters are asked to come look after the grand prince. But no one knows that one of them is a horrific jester. As soon as the Kingdom finds out, she is banished. Then gradully the sisters secretly continue to send messages to eachother and end up finding the location of the spell book. A plan to get the spell book is arranged. And then that day arrives when the Prince is being crwoned. The sisterJester shows up and gets the spell book. She kills the King and Queen. And locks away the Prince. Years pass and she creates an Empire for herself. She is unstoppable. But the people do not lose hope, for the Prince is still alive...

User Joshscorp
by
3.2k points

2 Answers

18 votes
18 votes
I would give the story a 5/10 , it has a decent story line but it is lacking vivid detail and you should try and work on using more commas instead of periods. Also when writing a story act as if you are the reader and you want to imagine what it looks like in your head. I hope this can guide you a little way!
User Amit Thaper
by
2.8k points
19 votes
19 votes

Answer: 5/10 | I really liked your story! I think you should write more about how the sisters find the spellbook and where the evil jester goes when she is banished. You should also give all the characters formal names. You need to have more of a plot. Instead of saying "Then gradully the sisters secretly continue to send messages to each other and end up finding the location of the spellbook." You could say " When (Name) was banished, (Name2) sent her a message. 'I'm ready to find the spellbook', the message read." You need to add more dialogue. You should also check your spelling as I noticed several mistakes. You should add events leading up to the death of the king and queen. You could also give some information about the backstory of how the General's daughters are asked to come to the castle. I liked your story but overall you need

- Dialogue

- Formal names

-Plot, rising action, falling action

- Backstory

-Setting

-Spellcheck

Explanation:

User Mike Weir
by
3.2k points