Question

Proofread my essay

Can someone please proofread my essay for 100 points? The prompt is "Were the Founding Fathers justified in rebelling against the British government and declaring independence?"

Essay:
The founding fathers were justified for rebelling against the British government, with the taxes and how the British were handling the colonies, they were better off forming their government and keeping trade open with the motherland.

For example, the stamp act of 1765 where the colonist was taxed to pay for the seven-year war the British fought for. The stamp act was an act that directly taxed the British on paper products like newspapers, almanacs, pamphlets, broadsides, legal documents, dice, and playing cards. The reason for this act was to pay for the seven-year war that the British fought for. Another example is the tea act of 1773. The colonists were forced to only purchase tea from the British East Indian Company, killing off foreign competitors that also traded tea with the colonists. They were also heavily taxed if they purchased from other companies.

Although the British taxed the colonists for a war that only benefitted the colonists. The problem was that the colonists had no say in the matter. "No Taxation Without Representation" was born here. While the taxes were fair, the colonists had no say, and that was the problem.

In conclusion, the founding fathers had the right to rebel against the British Government because the role of a government is defending those natural rights and making it possible for them to be accomplished. The British government failed to do so. Therefore, the people had the right to rebel against this government and form a new one that defends these rights.

Answer 1

I love your essay it's really well written! Maybe add a get more sentences to support your idea so you don't get points off. I don't know if this is how it works in your school but for my classes if I don't 5-6 sentences in each paragraph I get points take. off

Answer 2

In your first paragraph, to make it longer, say something like; "Yes, The Founding Fathers were justified in the rebelling against the British government. This was justifiable because...." and don't just say "with the taxes", go a little more in detail about what that means because it's kind of confusing. Maybe just re word it a little. say "they were better off forming their OWN government, while also keeping trade and the exchange of good's open with the motherland."

In your second paragraph, I would word the first sentence differently, say something like "first of all, the British passed the Samp Act, which forced colonists to pay for a war, that was being fought by the British" and after that, your reasoning and explanation is great! when you say "the reason for this act was to pay for the seven- year war that British fought for" I would delete that because you already said that in the beginning of your paragraph. And when you go on to say "another example" and start talking about the tea act, I would make that another paragraph, just because it's a different subject.

After "another example WAS (not is but was since this happened in the past) The tea act of 1773, say the colonist were forced and add in "by the British" , "to only purchase tea, from company's in their own land. I really like how you say it "killed off", that was a good word choice.

In your third paragraph, don't exactly say "taxed the colonists for a war that only benefitted the colonists" because you already said that, and when you restate an idea, it's in the final paragraph "say something like "Although if it wasn't already enough, for the British to practically torture the colonists with unfairly high taxes, the colonists had no say in the matter, they we're forced to pretty much just shut up and do as their told." and the rest is good but than you say the taxes *WERE fair, I think you meant, *WERE NOT fair. and at the end, don't say "and that was the problem" because you just said that same thing and you don't want your writing to sound repetitive.

In your final paragraph, don't say "Therefore, the people had the right to rebel against this government and form a new one that defends these rights". Because you just said that exact same thing in the previous sentence, maybe try and make it about the reader. say something like "so think about it, if you were getting treated this poorly by a country denying your basic rights, wouldn't you rebel?

Step-by-step explanation:

I think your writing is great! I hope you don't take this as me being mean! I love doing things like this and I hope you get the best grade possible! good luck :)