Question

I need help for improving my creative writing i feel like my descriptions is a bit to vague

so like for example lets say im describing a mountain
what would i need to do to improve it (i just wrote it now with no planning btw)
a shadow loomed over me overwhelming my own. an eerie silence surrounds me as if a danger was near. snows swirling dancing across the ground escaping from the sudden terror beholding me. i slowly turn around to see a beast arisen from nowhere; its tip to be unseen. dark solemn clouds surround as if it was chained. captives to a king. my whole body shuddered and suddenly my head was in the biting snow. i couldnt stand up even the forces of gravity were acting against me. the cold was spreading throughout my body; my fingers numb.my brain screaming at me to stand up. snow was layering over me until there was no more to be covered. like a deceased gone to rest, i had buried my own grave.a moment before i was having fun with everyone and in a flash im about to die. suddenly, i feel a hand touch me. muffles of excitemnt all around me although faint was clear enough. "i found her she's here!"
That's all i remember until i my body finally gave to rest

Answer 1

Your Answer:

a shadow loomed over me overwhelming my own. an eerie silence surrounds me as if a danger was near. snows swirling dancing across the ground escaping from the sudden terror beholding me. i slowly turn around to see a beast arisen from nowhere; its tip to be unseen. dark solemn clouds surround as if it was chained. captives to a king. my whole body shuddered and suddenly my head was in the biting snow. i couldnt stand up even the forces of gravity were acting against me. the cold was spreading throughout my body; my fingers numb.my brain screaming at me to stand up. snow was layering over me until there was no more to be covered. like a deceased gone to rest, i had buried my own grave.a moment before i was having fun with everyone and in a flash im about to die. suddenly, i feel a hand touch me. muffles of excitemnt all around me although faint was clear enough. "i found her she's here!"

My advice and fixes:

• Make sure to go through and fix spelling errors (but don't we all need to do that :)
• Plus, capitlization and any grammatical edits.

My writing: A shadow fell over me, overshadowing my own. A strange silence surrounds me, like if a threat is approaching. Snowflakes swirled and danced across the ground, fleeing the unexpected dread that surrounded me. I gently turn around to observe a beast that appeared out of nowhere, its tip hidden. As though it were chained, black melancholy clouds encircle it. a king's captives My entire body shuddered, and my head was instantly buried in the icy snow. Even though gravity was working against me, I couldn't get up. My fingers were numb as the cold permeated throughout my body. My mind was screaming at me to get up. Snow piled up on top of me until there was nothing left to cover. Like a deceased gone to rest, I had buried my own grave. I was having fun with everyone just a moment ago, and now I'm ready to die. I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder. While weak, muffled sounds of excitement could be heard all around me. "I found her, she's here!" That's all I recall before my body eventually fell asleep.

Hope this helps!