Can someone read this excerpt from my story over and give thought and feedback? Its for an English paper.
“Meldy, the dragons have attacked Alakatasia. You are one of the only people who can keep them at bay.”
“How?”
“You must learn magic.
“Me? Learn magic? Like, bend the elements at will?”
“Well, it’s more using a certain element to you advantage, but essentially…yes.”
“Are you sure you have the right person?” She asked Anna uncertainly.
“Yes, I’m sure. I’m certain that you are a descendant from the Nirvits, the ones that kept the Dragons at bay.”
“But what about Rose? She seems she would be better at that then me.”
“I already checked she doesn’t bear the Nirvits power. It was unlikely either of you did but somehow you did.
“Melody, Listen to me,” She said putting her hands on Meldy’s shoulders. “You mother died to save you from the Dragons because she knew you would be one of the one’s to protect every else. Don’t let her sacrifice be in vain.
“Alright,” Meldy said after some consideration. “I’ll do whatever it takes to save my people.”
“Great,” Anna said rubbing her hands together. “Let’s get started.
······
“Here is where we will begin our training,” Anna said.
They were now in a grassy field south of Rosemary Village. They were near a river.
“To harness magic and become a mage, you need to be at one with the earth and elements.”
“Huh?” Meldy asked, visibly confused.
“Put simply, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and focus on the sound of the air, the rushing of the river, the feel of the earth, and the crackle of the fire.”
“But there is no fire,” Meldy said, still confused.
“Well, then I just have to make one,” Anna said smiling.
She closed her eyes focusing deeply and then, out of nowhere, a bright flame appeared on her hand. She threw it and created a brightly burning fire.
“Wow,” Meldy said awestruck. “I’ll learn to do that?” She added incredulously.
“Yeah,” Anna said. “If you meditate.”
“And how would I do that?”
“Well, first you-” The rest of her words were drowned out by the bushes around them shaking loudly.
“Get behind me,” She hissed at Meldy. She conjured the fire again.
“Aunt Anna?” An unknown voice was calling out to Anna.
“Aunt Anna?” The voice said again. “Sorry I’m late. I got lost on the way here.”
Anna relaxed. “That’s my niece,” she said to Meldy. “I’m over here,” she yelled to the girl.
A girl with Anna’s same blonde hair and blue eyes stepped out of the bushes.
“This is my niece Wendi,” Anna said to Meldy.
“This is my disciple, Meldy” She said to Wendi.
“Hi,” Wendi said to Meldy. “My real name isn’t Wendi by the way. It’s Winoa Diane, but Aunt Anna calls me Wendi.”
“Hi,” Meldy said to Wendi. “Meldy is also a nickname. It’s short for Melody. But in my case every calls me Meldy not just family.”
“Oh, well then I guess I’ll be the first in a while to call you Melody.”
“If that’s the case I’ll call you Wendi, too.”
“Wendi isn’t the only one joining us today,” Anna said grinning.
“Really, who? Who else bears the Nirvits power?”
“It’s not someone who bears their power,” She said mysteriously.
Wendi and Meldy exchanged curious glances. Why would someone who doesn’t bear their power be coming.