Question

Your Task. Analyze Anna’s message. It suffers from many writing faults that you have studied. List its weaknesses. If your instructor directs, revise the message.

To: From: Staff computer users Anna He Wong Subject: Adobe Creative Cloud Access Codes Are Expensive!
Unfortunately, I cannot buy extra licenses for the latest Adobe Creative Cloud apps and services for home use. Or for any other use. Some staffers have asked for this privilege. Which is cost prohibitive.
This cloud-based suite of applications has many outstanding features, and I would be happy to demonstrate some of it to anyone who drops by the Document Production Department. Purchasing access to this software for private use would be too expensive. Like many cloud-based software titles, Adobe Creative Cloud is subscription based, per month, per user. We cannot use access keys for more than one computer each. The access keys are unique. Definitely not for home use! If you stop and think about it, it makes a lot of sense. Software companies need to provide unique access codes because otherwise they wouldn’t be in business long. Eventually, they would not earn enough money to stay in business. Or to develop new software.
This e-mail is to inform you that we cannot provide extra licenses for Adobe Creative Cloud access due to the fact that we agreed to limit use to work-related projects only. Thank you for your cooperation.
Anna He Wong, Manager Document Production

Answer 1

After analysing the email, I found that the email is very informal, and no proper subject line is formed. Starting of the email seems direct and unprofessional. Mail also portrays some negative phrases, like "unfortunately I cannot buy extra licence". After rephrasing it, the email will be as follows.

To: staff computer users

From, Anna He Wong <ahwong(at the rate)csb.com>

Subject: informing about the Adobe creative cloud access request.

Dear staff,

This mail is to inform you that, additional access to Adobe creative cloud app for personal or home use cannot be purchased due to its high pricing and it's access codes are very expensive. I feel very sorry for the staff members who asked for this privilege.

The cloud based suite of application has many outstanding features, I would be glad to demonstrate it to you, of you reach out the document production department. Adobe creative cloud is subscription based like any other cloud based software titles and also has unique access keys. It is not possible to use access keys for more than one computer each. I hope that you will understand and consider the above stated facts. If at all access is bought, it may not be profitable for their business.

I hope that you all will co-operate with the decision. And I apologies for granting the personal access to creating cloud, as we have agreed to limit its use to work related projects only.

Thank you.

Regards,

Anna he Wong

Document production manager.