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Issues that can affect communication with teenagers
Adolescence is a time of rapid change, not just for the young person but for the parents too. It might be hard to let go sometimes, but parents need to recognise that:
- A child’s job is to grow up and become an independent adult. As a parent, you need to help young people through this process.
- Decisions can now be made together. Try to discuss issues to reach an outcome that you and your teenager can both accept.
- Young people may have viewpoints that are different from yours or may take up activities that you don’t understand. Try to see this as good thing. They are learning to be their own person.
- You will always feel responsible for your child’s wellbeing and safety, no matter how old they are. When children reach their teenage years, they start to make their own decisions. Sometimes they make the wrong ones. Try to be supportive and not criticise. They will (hopefully!) learn valuable lessons from their mistakes.
- During this time of constant change, both parents and young people need to take time to care for themselves.
- You need to show you value your teenager and their uniqueness – show them your unconditional love.
General communication tips with teenagers
The most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open. Suggestions include:
- Listen more than you speak – remember that we are all given two ears and one mouth. This is to remind us that we should spend twice as much time listening as talking. This is especially important when talking to teenagers, who may tell us more if we are silent long enough to give them the opportunity.
- Make time to spend together – teenagers are often busy with school, friends and other interests, but you can have a conversation with them over breakfast and dinner. Offer to take them to or pick them up from places; this will provide other opportunities for conversations.
- Give them privacy – teenagers need their own space. For example, knock before you go into their room.
- Keep up with their interests – listen to their music, watch their television shows with them and turn up to their sports practise sessions. Continue to take an active interest in their life.
- Be a loving parent – adolescence is a time when young people often struggle with their changing sense of identity and need to feel loved. Tell them often. Demonstrate your love using whatever physical contact they are comfortable with. Celebrate their achievements, forgive their mistakes, listen to them when they have a problem and show interest in how they plan to solve it. Support them in their problem solving. Feeling included and special is vital for every young person’s sense of positive self-esteem.
- Have fun – make time for leisure and laughter. Good feelings help to build good rapport.