If you have a friend or family member who suffers from borderline personality disorder (BPD), you understand how stressful it can be. And you might be stumped as to how you can be of assistance.
1. Learn about BPD
Learning about BPD is the first step for family, friends, and other support individuals who wish to help in a meaningful way. When you understand the underlying cause of a challenging behavior, you are more likely to respond in a helpful manner.
Normal daily frustrations, for example, are frequently transformed into significant relationship difficulties in people with BPD. However, depending on how others respond, these disputes can be mitigated or avoided. Most people, for example, will take a canceled lunch date in stride and just rearrange their calendar. A cancelled lunch, on the other hand, is more likely to be viewed as rejection or abandonment by someone with BPD, resulting in a strong emotional response. Rather than just modifying their plans and rescheduling, someone with BPD may become enraged and angry, refusing further involvement or demanding immediate contact. Recognize this reaction as a fear-based misperception and express your desire to connect as a helpful response. Instead of reacting to the bad or improper behavior, focus on rescheduling the date.
2. Show confidence and respect.
There is a strong link between BPD and early childhood trauma. Trauma in early childhood reduces a person's sense of safety and control over themselves, others, and the world. Support individuals should approach the relationship with a person with BPD in a way that fosters trust and respect, which can be beneficial and healing. Allow the person with BPD to make their own decisions, even if you believe you know what is best for them. Demonstrate your faith in their talents and inquire about how you can assist.
3. Be dependable.
Many persons with BPD have a history of attachment issues, which causes them to be fearful and distrustful of others. It is critical for you to be consistent and honest as a support person. Do what you claim you'll do as much as possible. Setting limits ahead of time is acceptable and often required. Concentrate on what you have to offer in terms of time and money.
4. Attachment is a good way to deal with conflict.
Attachment is about long-term caring and sharing good and difficult moments together. Conflicts and arguments are challenging for persons with BPD because they take them as signs of uncaring or the end of a relationship, leading to emotions of wrath and guilt.
Support persons can assist the person with BPD gain perspective and perceive disagreement as a normal element of a healthy relationship. There is a sense of acceptance and attachment that can heal and promote significant change in BPD when a support person stays connected despite obstacles.
After a conflict, support persons can help by calling or visiting. Focus on the person rather than the behavior, and show compassion and forgiveness. You can accept the person while rejecting the behavior. People with BPD require assurance that you haven't abandoned them.
5. Seek professional assistance.
Some of the more problematic symptoms of BPD, such as interpersonal difficulty and self-harming behaviors, have been demonstrated to improve with individual and group therapy. Other mental diseases that require therapy, such as anxiety and depression, can be assessed by mental health specialists. Support personnel can provide information and, if necessary, assist with scheduling appointments. Knowing that help is available can give persons with BPD hope.