Question

HELP ON GRAMMAR pleasee

“SLAM” The door behind me shut,the lights go off ,it was dark,it was too dark,I couldn't see my hands,where I was stepping, I didn't have a clue.Surprised enough I didn't trip. Big enough to be thunder a loud BOOM! I raced down the long room,like a hall,I knew what was coming next all my fears coming true. “ZAP” ,“ FLASH”lighting strikes”BOOM” BOOM” thunder pounds.”PitterPatter” “pitter patter” RAIN!, “pitter patter” Just racing down and down the hall,”Splash” I trip,I keep movinging,Running,or racing it doesn't matter”FLASH”ZAP” “pitter patter” “Splash””Same thing kept repeating in my head “Don’t stop running” ,“Don’t stop running”,“Don’t stop running”“Don’t stop running” The louder and louder it got,“Don’t stop running”“Don’t stop running” “Don’t stop running”

I cover my ears “Yelling stop stop” I keep”scattering down the long hall” “I couldn't stop no I couldn't” I heard sirens,maybe they had come for me, wouldn't care about anything just get me out of here! “The sirens became louder” And Louder And Louder Louder” “BOOM” everythings all is colliding” it's too much i'm overwhelming ``''Screech”An awful cry starts” still as hearing “dont stop” What is happening? I don't know,”tick tock” “tick tock” “Screech” Tick tock tick tock,Boom “zap”’flash”pitter patter ”ticktock,ticktock” ”flash”screech”Splash”BOOM”. SPLASH” what was that!,My hands are covered in blood.“zap”’flash””tick tock””BOOM”. “tick tock” “Screech” Tick tock tick tock,Boom pitter patter ”ticktock,ticktock” ”flash”screech”Splash SPLASh.I trip, splash I cant bare it.

I scream”STOP IT I SAY! JUST STOP! STOP IT” “drip,drip,drip”.I curled up into a ball im lying there,”soaked in blood.Crying in the corner,scared to be found,touched or carried.

Seconds turn into minutes,minutes turn into hours,the hours turn into days, The days into weeks,weeks into months,The months into years.I feel to as i became to death,I couldn't see, nor hear, if the only thing i could hear, is the same,Tick tick tick tick, zap zap zap zap,tick zap tick zap tick BOOM,FLASH,tick zap zap zap tick,BOOM

BOOM,FLASH, Scratch! BOOM FLASH ZAP,BOOM,SCRECh”The louder and faster it got” ZAP ZAP TICK SCHREACH BOOM BOM FLASH,ZAP,BOOM SCHRECH tick tick ,tick,BOOM FLASH, BOOM! ZAP.it just woulndt stop, it adding on new sounds i knew would come, POUND POUND POUND ZAP SPLASH,SCHEECH,BOOM,FLASH SCHREECH,ZAP ZAP,TICK TICK,POUND SPLASH! BOOM,SQUEAK SQUEAK,TIcK TICK POUND!”Starting it again it keeps repeating over and over,BAM BAM” Then it comes back, that little voice… in my head… telling me, to keep going”

Answer 1

This is just my suggestions, such as changing it to past tense, I hope that this helps!
(Edited)
SLAM. The door behind me shut, the lights went off. It was dark, it was too dark. l couldn't see my hands, or even where I was stepping, I didn't have a clue. It was surprising enough I didn't trip.
BOOM. It was a big enough sound to be thunder. I raced down the long room, it was like a hall. I knew what was coming next; all my fears coming true. ZAP. FLASH. Lightning struck. Boom. BOOM. thunder pounded. There was a pitter-pattering of rain. It was just racing down and down the hall. Splash. I tripped, but I kept moving. Running or racing it didn't matter. Flash. ZAP. I could still hear the rain and the splashing. The same thing kept repeating in my head, "Don't stop running, don't stop running, don't stop running, don't stop running." My loop of thought got louder and louder, "Don't stop running, don't stop running." I covered my ears while yelling, “Stop, stop!" I kept sprinting down the long hall. I couldn't stop, no I couldn't. I heard sirens, maybe they had come for me. I didn’t care about anything other than getting out of there. The sirens became louder. And louder, and louder. BOOM. Everything was colliding. It was too much, too overwhelming. SCREECH. An awful cry started. My head was still repeating, "Don’t stop, don’t stop." What was happening? I didn't know. There was a ticking noise followed by a screech. Boom. Something flashed. Pitter patter. Tick, tick, tick. Another flash. Screech. Splash. BOOM. SPLASH. What was that? My hands were covered in blood. Flash. Tick tock. BOOM. Tick tock. Screech. Tick tock, tick tock. Boom. Pitter patter. The ticking got faster. Flash. Screech. Splash, SPLASH. I trip, and splash into the water. I couldn’t bare this. I screamed ”STOP IT I SAY! JUST STOP! STOP IT!" A small “drip,drip,drop" sound was the only response I got. I curled up into a ball, lying there, soaked in blood. I cried in the corner, scared to be found, touched, or carried. Seconds turn into minutes, minutes turn into hours, the hours turn into days, the days into weeks, weeks into months, the months into years. I felt to as if I came to death. I couldn't see, nor hear. The only thing i could hear, was the same, “Tick tick tick tick. Zap zap zap zap. Tick, zap, tick, zap, tick, BOOM, FLASH ,tick zap zap tick zap tick, BOOM!”

BOOM, FLASH, Scratch! BOOM, FLASH ZAP, BOOM, SCREECH. It got louder and faster. ZAP ZAP TICK SCREECH BOOM BOM FLASH, ZAP, BOOM SCHRECH tick, tick, tick, BOOM! FLASH, BOOM! ZAP. It just wouldn’t stop, it added on new sounds I knew would come, POUND, POUND, POUND! ZAP, SPLASH, SCREECH, BOOM, FLASH, SCREECH, ZAP, ZAP, TICK, TICK, POUND, SPLASH! BOOM, SQUEAK, SQUEAK! TICK TICK POUND! It started again. It kept repeating over and over. BAM, BAM.
Then it comes back, that little voice... in my head... telling me, to keep going.

Sorry if this isn’t what you meant, or I interpreted it wrong

Answer 2

See below:

Step-by-step explanation:

This is a nice story! It inspires fear due to the ton of noises you put and the detail into it.

The only change that I would suggest is removing some of the noises in favour of other senses. It appears as if you've mostly only used the sense of hearing.

Also consider making only some of the noises in caps. Some of the noises are in caps but do not need to be in them

Other than that, nice job!!

Have a nice day!