Question

Please Give me your full opinion and criticism on my story, I would really appreciate it and it will especially help me improve it!

We Didn’t Know Until it Was Too Late!

That night everything changed. It was the morning of October 30, 1995 in the small town of Falls Haven where we all grew up. Sasha, Amanda, Josh, and I decided we wanted to throw a Halloween party since tomorrow was Halloween and our parents were out of town. Before the party, we got all the supplies we needed and got the house ready.

A few hours later, It was finally time for the party and every teen from the town showed up in their costumes. Sasha and Amanda wore a matching little red riding hood outfit with a pair of black flats. The two of them matching wasn’t surprising to anyone because they were twins and they did everything together whether it be small or big they did it and they were the craziest, down-to-earth people I know. Now Josh on the other hand was the opposite out of all of us, he was the popular kid, captain of the football team, the perfect guy you thought you would only see on T.V. He ended up coming to the party in just his red and black football jersey. I ended up wearing my yellow and black plaid outfit from my favorite movie Clueless.

~Later on that night~

“Hey Josh, have you seen Sasha anywhere? I haven’t seen her anywhere” I asked Josh.
“No I haven’t, but I can help you look for her” he said.
So that’s what we did, we looked everywhere, in the sparkly clean bathroom, in the old creaking tree house we used to go up when we were little, and every single cabinet and room in the house. It wasn’t until we went to the backyard we found her and what we saw will haunt us forever. What we saw was Sasha's body lying face down in the pool. Josh and I pulled her out of the pool and tried to get her conscious but everything we did nothing worked and so I checked her pulse and it was silent.
“I think she’s dead, what are we going to do? I said frantically.
“We need to call the police and tell them,” he said.
“No,no,no, no we can’t tell the police, if my mom were to find out I was having a party then I would be dead.” I said to him.
“Are you seriously only worried about your mom when our friend is literally dead” he said.
“Of course not, but we can’t tell the police because we will all be arrested if they were to show up since we were illegally drinking and smoking. We need to get rid of her body” I said to him.
“But where?” He asked.
“I think I know a place.” I said to him.
So we put Sasha’s body in a bag and poured bleach, baking soda, and detergent in as well so that it wouldn’t smell and then we went into the car and drove one and a half hour away to an old abandoned cabin in the woods and buried her body under the house.
“We can’t tell anyone what happened tonight or where we hid the body understand” I told him
“Okay, but what if someone asks anything about her?” He asks.
“Then you tell them that we couldn’t find her that night at the party and thought she just left and we tried to call her but she didn’t answer.” I said to him.
It's been months since Sasha’s death and everyone has slowly started to forget about it.
Amanda hasn’t been the same since her sister died and every time I talk to her I just want to tell her the truth of what happened but I know it would just make things worse. I would ask her if she was okay and every time her response was “yeah I’m fine” and I know deep down that she isn’t.

As time went on, everyone forgot about what happened to Sasha and everything went back to normal. Two years later, Amanda ended up moving to California and becoming a doctor. She even ended up having two twin daughters with her husband Jack. As for Josh and I, We ended up getting married and having 4 children. Josh now works as a football coach at the local high school near our house and I work for the FBI. Even though sometimes I stress and worry about what if they end up finding the body, I just try to focus on now with my family and work and if they do find her body later on then I will deal with it then.

Even though that night changed everything for us, I don’t think I would have wanted it any other way because it gave me the life that I have today.

The End.

Answer 1

I hate all of these characters except for the twins.

I also hate how Josh is the perfect guy you see in movies.

I also hate how you guys didn't report it to the police and years went on.

I also hate how you guys just watched her twin suffer even when both of you knew the truth.

I also hate how you married Josh. I hate Josh and even his name. Of course his name is Josh and he's a football player.

I also hate how you turn out to be an FBI yet decided to bury your friend.

I also hate how you said that you wouldn't want it any other day because your life is successful thanks to burying your friend and telling no one.

I also hate how you put your friend, Sasha, in a garbage bag and buried her.

I hate this, I hate that.

Do you have any idea why I hate your story?

That's because I am Sasha.

How dare you bury me and keep it a secret?

I will haunt you and your husband Josh forever.