Question

I need someone to tell me if my first paragraph of my argument paper sounds good.

i feel like it sounds weird.

my topic is: should poetry be taught more in school?
(first paragraph must have: transition, first reason, evidence and explanation 3x in that order)

The first reason is that poetry helps express emotions and feelings better and it strengthens overall mental health. A lot of people struggle to talk about their feelings face to face with someone. Sometimes it’s easier to express your feelings through writing. Poetry allows you to express your feelings and get it all out without having to share those emotions with others. “We are similar because we go through the same joys and sorrows, through the same illusions and disappointments. The supreme law of living makes us equals, and to a greater or lesser degree, we all feel euphoria and depression, sadness and happiness, hope and disappointments.” (How Does Poetry Communicate Feelings and Emotions?) Not everyone can tell their stories through poetry because they were never taught how to make connections. Through poetry, you can pour all your emotions out onto a piece of paper. Maybe if poetry was taught more in schools, more people would go on into life without bottling up their emotions and going through depression. They would go move on in life knowing they have some way of expressing all their feelings without sharing them with a person. It’s never good to sit there and bottle up your emotions. You can take all those bottled-up emotions and write them down using several types of poetry. “A well-crafted phrase or two in a poem can help us see an experience in an entirely new way. We can gain insight that had evaded us many times, that gives us new understanding and strength.” (Five Reasons Why We Need Poetry in Schools) The brain processes poetry a lot like music. A lot of people use music to express themselves or make themselves happier when they’re upset. (Poetry Lights Up the Brain) “MRIs have shown that both art forms stimulate regions in the brain’s right hemisphere that are linked to reward and emotion.” So even when reading poetry, you can start to feel better. So many people can understand the way others feel. Reading certain poetry can make you feel included and not so alone.

Answer 1

I think it sounds amazing, you have your point proven for sure!

Answer 2

it could be a bit more.

Step-by-step explanation:

the paragraph is amazing, but you used the reasoning "of bottling up emotions" in the argument but in different ways, what you can say is also that; a lot of people cannot express their emotions as some struggle to process the pain and sadness someone feels, how some don't know how it feels and can only be explained through a piece of paper.