Final answer:
The phrase making the thesis statement wordy is 'make the claim that.' The revision for conciseness would be 'The creators of The Lion King were inspired by Hamlet; however, the two stories have little in common.'
Step-by-step explanation:
The word that makes the thesis statement wordy is "make the claim that." The revised thesis statement would be more concise as follows: "The creators of The Lion King were inspired by Hamlet; however, the two stories have little in common." By simplifying the phrase, the thesis becomes more direct and less wordy, helping to convey the intended argument more effectively.