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4 votes
Is this a good story for my assignment? any grammar corrections? any constructive criticism

Is this a good story for my assignment? any grammar corrections? any constructive-example-1
Is this a good story for my assignment? any grammar corrections? any constructive-example-1
Is this a good story for my assignment? any grammar corrections? any constructive-example-2
Is this a good story for my assignment? any grammar corrections? any constructive-example-3
User Steenbergh
by
3.8k points

2 Answers

2 votes
It looks really good! One small thing would be put a comma between disrespecting dress code and fighting, so it would look like this

We do not tolerate disrespect, bullying, disrespecting dress code, & fighting.

Ik it’s a small change, but it seems like a big essay and it helps!
User Zahabba
by
3.8k points
0 votes

Answer: See feedback below:

Explanation: You should change "We do not tolerate..." to "They do not tolerate.." since your first part of the story is in the third person. If you could also, you should probably add the name of the person who made Viola Fleur Academia possible. Also, instead of "but she could express it through paintings" change it to, "but through her artwork." I also think you're missing what the origin of the university is! Make sure to add that so whoever reviews it doesn't get confused. It's your choice if you want to take my feedback, but I hope it was helpful!

All in all, I think your story is amazing. I'm not buttering you up or anything, because really, it's a nice piece of writing (and trust me, I've seen A LOT of cruddy writing to know what a good piece of writing is). I love how descriptive you were when it came to explaining the origin of Viola Fleur Academia and its university. Your choice of font is also very what's the word, "professional"? Good work and I wish you luck!

Hope this helps! :)

User Marco Jr
by
3.9k points