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Wrote a poem how is it? Give your honest opinion please and thoughts. I know its a bit long but I submitted it and my teacher gave me an F claiming I wrote a poem that is unrelatable and irrelevant. Please tell me your thoughts.

The little Girl Whose World Was To Big For Her:
Once upon a time there was a little girl who had nothing and everything at the same time,

She grew up trying to be perfect.
Little did that little girl know the world is dark
She learned all of this not knowing it was bad
She was disliked by her family for looking like her mom
And even now the little girl is no longer little
But she looks back and wishes she could be naive again
Innocent, left to be a kid or what she thought was things kids did
She loved herself back then
She thought she was pretty
She thought nothing could touch her
She never once thought what others said
And if she did she pushed against it with all her power
She was stronger
But now that little girl is older
Weaker, she is tired so tired.
She would like to drown herself in that beautiful blue water
To taste the salt of the sea
For the waves to overcome her
For the life in her eyes to go out.
But then she is reminded she can't leave
That leaving solves nothing
Even though she says she despises them
Deep inside they are her most special things ever
Without them she wouldn't live
Without them she would not be herself
But like I said she is older and weaker,
She dreams of someone to comfort her
She dreams to be free
To have the world at her feet
To not have a care in the world
To be able to just jump and feel like she's flying.
But once that day comes this little girl will be free for once
She will touch the clouds and just stare at the beautiful sky
And say goodbye to everyone she cares about
She will make sure she leaves them happy
Leaves them peaceful
Maybe that's what this little girl needs
Peace and love
Because she's never had something to call just her own.
~MJA

User Dexto
by
4.8k points

2 Answers

5 votes

There were some grammatical and punctuation errors. I corrected it, just for your understanding. But other than that, this poem was very nice. This is extremely relatable to real life too.

Here is the one I corrected:
Once upon a time, there was a little girl who had nothing and everything at the same time,

She grew up trying to be perfect.

Little did that little girl know the world is dark

She learned all of this, not knowing it was bad

She was disliked by her family for looking like her mom

And even now, the little girl is no longer little

But she looks back and wishes she could be naïve again

Innocent, left to be a kid or what she thought were things kids did

She loved herself back then

She thought she was pretty

She thought nothing could touch her

She never once thought about what others said

And if she did, she pushed against it with all her power

She was stronger

But now that little girl is older

Weaker, she is tired, so tired.

She would like to drown herself in that beautiful blue water

To taste the salt of the sea

For the waves to overcome her

For the life in her eyes to go out.

But then she is reminded she can't leave

That leaving solves nothing

Even though she says she despises them,

Deep inside, they are her most special things ever

Without them, she wouldn't live

Without them, she would not be herself

But as I said, she is older and weaker,

She dreams of someone to comfort her

She dreams of being free

To have the world at her feet

To not have a care in the world

To be able to just jump and feel like she's flying.

But once that day comes, this little girl will be free for once

She will touch the clouds and just stare at the beautiful sky

And say goodbye to everyone she cares about

She will make sure she leaves them happy

Leaves them peacefully

Maybe that's what this little girl needs

Peace and love

Because she's never had something to call just her own.

(This is just a suggestion for your poem. Feel free to not use it)
(Thanks)

User Chirael
by
4.9k points
5 votes

Answer:

A+

Step-by-step explanation:

This was a really good poem and it is very relevant to real life and I can tell you put your heart into it and it is very good.

User Shaun Groenewald
by
4.8k points