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44 votes
44 votes
HELP GrAMMAR NEEDED

The hallway

“SLAM” The door behind me shut,the lights went off ,it was dark,it was too dark,I couldn't see my hands,where I was stepping, I didn't have a clue. Surprised enough I didn't triped. Next I heard a sound,a big loud sound , not sure what it was but I've heard it before,Yes I've heard it before. I knew what it was…. BOOM!. Thunder,I raced down the dark skinny hall. I couldn't stop racing. All I could think of is how I just hated thunder and knew what was coming “FLASH” Lighting strikes, barely missing me. All my fears are coming true. “BOOM” again and again it happens, flooding my brain to where I cant hear anything else. “BOOM” ZAP” ,“ FLASH”lighting strikes”BOOM” BOOM” thunder pounds.”PitterPatter” “pitter patter” RAIN! “pitter patter” Just racing down and down the hall,”Splash” I trip,Struggling to keep moving but I must. I keep movinging,Running,or racing it doesn't matter”FLASH”ZAP” “pitter patter” “Splash””Same thing kept repeating in my head “Don’t stop running” ,“Don’t stop running”,“Don’t stop running”“Don’t stop running” The louder and louder it got,“Don’t stop running”“Don’t stop running” “Don’t stop running”I cover my ears “Yelling stop stop” I keep”scattering down the long hall” “I couldn't stop no I couldn't” I heard sirens,maybe they had come for me, wouldn't care about anything just get me out of here! “The sirens became louder” And Louder And Louder Louder ``''BOOM” everythings all is colliding” it's too much i'm overwhelming ``''Screech”An awful cry starts'' still hearing “don't stop” What is happening? I don't know.”tick tock” “tick tock” “Screech” Tick tock tick tock,Boom “zap”’flash”pitter patter ”ticktock,ticktock ``” flash ``”screech”Splash”BOOM”. SPLASH'' what was that!,My hands are covered in blood.``zap”’flash””tick tock””BOOM”. “tick tock” “Screech” Tick tock tick tock.Boom pitter patter ”ticktock,ticktock” ”flash”screech”Splash SPLASh.I trip.”splash”
I couldn't bare it not any longer, I had given up, I couldn't move any further.
I scream”STOP IT I SAY! JUST STOP! STOP IT ``''drip,drip,drip”.I curled up into a ball ,lying there,”soaked in blood”.Crying in the corner,scared to be found,touched or carried.
Don't ask me how long i've been here,no way I would know.”Seconds turn into minutes,minutes turn into hours,the hours turn into days, The days into weeks,weeks into months,The months into years”. .I couldn't see, nor hear, if the only thing i could hear, is the same,Tick tick tick tick, zap zap zap zap,tick zap tick zap tick BOOM,FLASH,tick zap zap zap tick,BOOM BOOM,FLASH, Scratch! BOOM FLASH ZAP,BOOM,SCRECh”The louder and faster it got” ZAP ZAP TICK SCREECH BOOM BOM FLASH,ZAP,BOOM SCREECH tick tick ,tick,BOOM FLASH, BOOM! ZAP.”it woulndt stop, it adding on new sounds, that I knew would come I knew would come. POUND POUND POUND ZAP SPLASH,SCHEECH,BOOM,FLASH SCHREECH,ZAP ZAP,TICK TICK,POUND SPLASH! BOOM,SQUEAK SQUEAK,TIcK TICK POUND!”Starting it again it keeps repeating over and over,BAM BAM” Then it comes back, that little voice… in my head… telling me, to keep going” But know matter how many times i've tried to keep going,it wouldn't end. So i just sit here in this tunnel,waiting for someone to wake me up.
I layed down,I didn't care anymore.I wanted to sleep, I wanted to sleep forever.
Suddenly every noise stops,I looked up I saw something, I reached up and tried touching it… “SCREAM “

User Mavya Soni
by
2.9k points

2 Answers

18 votes
18 votes
Onomatopoeia doesn’t have to be in capital letters shorten your sentences and don’t add too many sound effects
User Trilok M
by
2.9k points
10 votes
10 votes

Answer:

Fix it. It takes like 10 min to fix this.

Step-by-step explanation:

onomatopoeia: doesn't necessarily need quotes nor in caps, some words need "-" or commas in between.

Don't add to many words/ effects/sounds in the same space or it gets confusing and sounds super rushed.

Try to shorten your sentences some are run one sentences.

User Waggles
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2.6k points