Question

I need help writing a poem about identity for language this is what I have so far

I remember a time when I was a free little girl
I had no worries and felt happy
But then school came and with it the worries
and the insecurities
and the doubt
and the pressure to succeed
ands before I knew it the happiness was gone
I remember never caring how I looked before
But as I got older that's what life was all about
I thought
are my thighs too fat?
Am I too short?
Is my butt big enough?
Should I wear more makeup?
But then my thoughts changed and were all about HER
would I look better if i wore the same clothes as her
would people like me more if I talked like her
if I walked like her
if only I LOOKED like her

Can you please revise my poem and add stylistic elements to it and tell me what stylistic elements you used please.

Answer 1

This is really good! maybe after the line "But then school came and with it the worries" you should take out the word "and" from the next 4 lines :

But then school came and with it the worries

the insecurities

the doubt

the pressure to succeed

before I knew it the happiness was gone

Explanation:

I think its flows better that way

Answer 2

This is actually really awesome!! I was surprised because I write free verse poems and usually I never see someone who writes the way I do. I think it's really good, but if you feel like it's not good enough you can change it. Also, I could give you some lyrics to a song I wrote about insecurity+anxiety+not fitting in if you are required to write a rhyming poem... Your poem is awesome tho!!!

Step-by-step explanation: