What can I do to fix this story?
its my writing btw
“What now?” I screamed in pain and agony packing my stuff leaving my college dorm. My heart was on fire; my dad had lost the job; I got expelled from college because I couldn’t pay the bills. My life is crumbling in my own hands right now. What else could go wrong? What else? I packed the only picture of my mom holding me, the dearest thing to me. I couldn’t forget my teddy bear that kept me company through the night; or the books that I spent hours working to get them.
Even if my father had lost his job, he wasn’t good at raising me; my mom became one of the angels and left earth. So I was mostly alone, my old man is alcoholic. All he thought about was beer, whiskey and girls. I was mostly one of the thousand leaves on the tree for him, if not maybe a rice grain in a rice field.. I could die, or disappear and he wouldn't care less or even notice. I remember when he came home all drunk and started slamming stuff, my name was a curse word to him. He hated me, his own son. Abusing me was one of his daily bases, sometimes he made me go get money for him as he tried to get the last bit of beer in the bottle.
Adding more, I couldn't pay my college bills, so they kicked me out. Sure there were loans and scholarships but I wasn’t that good in education, I would go sell chamangos right after school since my father wouldn’t pay for my supplies or clothes. I was lucky that he provided me with shelter. A loan isn’t an option either, who knows what will happen in the future. There’s always the army I guess, but the old man prohibited it. He had hated anything that dealt with the congress or the military. He wasn’t on the country’s side, saying he would kill me; I was freighted, I dared my life… or used to.
Actually this got me thinking, I would commit suicde and all my ashes would disappear. There got to be a reason for existence, not mine though. I am a lost cause! Sure, my old man would be happy if I wasn’t around. I want him to suffer though, suicde won’t be the best thing.
I could burn the house down, why am I thinking like this? What disease has overcome me? I better stop thinking like that or I'll get lost on the road; take the dark path.
Trip on the halls and I will bleed, trip in life and I will become disconsolate or broken. Maybe I could work in a warehouse, no need for the luxury life.
On my way home I was taking the light rail. Before anything... I was so lost in thought that the train came towards me at lightning speed. My body froze, I saw flashing lights.
My body felt cold...
Real, real cold …..