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3 votes
3 votes
Rewrite the following scene and completely change the tone. Change any words or phrases that help create the tone of the piece.

Bursting through the door, Jesse let out a whoop of joy.
Seeing his sister sitting at the kitchen table, he bounded across the room and gently grabbed herwrist. "You arenever going to believe what just happened," he exclaimed gleefully

User Simon Mo
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1 Answer

24 votes
24 votes

Answer: Slowly creaking open the door, Jesse let out a long sigh. Seeing his sister sitting at the kitchen table, he sulked across the room and hesitantly grabbed her wrist. "You are never gonna believe what just happened," he groaned.

Step-by-step explanation: In the original scene, the tone of the words imply that Jesse just had something positive and exciting happen to him, he's dying to tell his sister. Words like "bursting through the door" "whoop of joy" and "exclaimed gleefully" show that Jesse is happy about what happened. In my rewritten form of the scene, Jesse is far from excited about telling his sister whatever happened. I used words such as "slowly creeping open the door" "long sigh" "hesitantly" "sulked" and "groaned" to make the tone a lot more depressing or eerie than the original scene.

I hope this helps you :)

User ZygD
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