Question

This is my persuasive essay, what do I need to do to make it better help :))

Answer 1

It looks awesome so far!

If I were to give any help, I'd say to take away the "I think" in the first sentence (unless your teacher told you to start like that).

In the first paragraph, make sure to add a coma in between 'adults' and 'and' so it reads "It's very bad for children, adults, and teenagers." There is still other mistakes with the punctuation, but I think you can fix the others.

It looks like you know when to put your apostrophe in words, but I did find that the 'there' in the last sentence of the first paragraph needs to be like "there's". That's all I could see with that, though, so good job!

Lastly, you don't need to say the subject so often. The reader will know what you're talking about, so using 'it' won't hurt anything. Other than that, everything looks pretty good.

Good luck!

Step-by-step explanation:

Answer 2

change all the condensed words like wasn’t to was not to make it appear longer. try to give your own point of view and a conclusion sentence and why you chose what u chose