Answer:
The start of the sentence does not make sense. Consider changing it from
In the beginning of the story, Greg was avoidant because he decides not to go home. He was scared, in the beginning of the story when they meet
TO
Because he chooses not to go home at the beginning of the story, Greg was avoidant. He was terrified when they first met in the beginning, the author adds....
Also, there are some minor mistakes, like writing it in past tense, then present tense, but I don't want to be too pushy about it. The rest is well structured and well written.
Congrats and good luck!