Answer:
For ages, humans have been questioning whether one will be constrained if the cognitive process is limited by society. By the end of the American Civil War in the 1930s, Carter G. Woodson wrote a book, The Mis-Education of the Negro, in which he stated, "When you control a man's thinking, you do not have to worry about his actions." Woodson argues that if one allows their thinking to be controlled, then their action will be predictable and manipulatable, without the need of being told.
Step-by-step explanation:
First: (Not in this essay, general tip) Avoid using anything like "I" or "You"
It makes the academic essay seems informal and weak, but because this pre-test essay is not very formal with only one source of evidence, it's an exception.
Second Mistake: Don't be too rigid in writing.
Instead of starting with the thesis directly, have some kind of hook and some background information, like the example provided above.
Third Mistake: Avoid ambiguous words like "good or bad"
It's too general, and they do not make you sound like a mature writer.
Fourth Mistake: Too many simple sentences
Connect some phrases together with conjunctions -- the essay will be too dull otherwise.
Fifth Mistake: Writing in general
Connecting back to the second mistake, don't be so rigid! That means you don't have to follow a structure like: "This shows ... meaning ... which also shows ... another example is ... finally ... this shows..." Instead, try to connect all of your ideas together without these phrases.
Another suggestion, use professional words. Ex: Instead of saying that Woodson tells us, you can say that Woodson illustrates the importance of ...
Check your grammar with an online tool.
Sixth Mistake: So What?
In the conclusion, why does this quote matter? What background context made Woodson say that? How can this quote be applied to a bigger message?
Woodson wrote the book to illustrate the suppression of the education system on African Americans. If he says that one doesn't have to tell someone to achieve a purpose, how does that connect to his quote?
Hint: This means that certain systems in society will only continue to suppress the victims of injustice, to the point where the victims know to do something even if they are not told directly. For example, during the 1930s, although the educational system seems to be proclaiming fairness with the means of integration, African American Students were afraid to integrate, because the oppression from society was obvious -- just like what Woodson later emphasized, "If you make a man feel that he is inferior, you do not have to compel him to accept an inferior status, for he will seek it himself."