Final answer:
The essay has room for improvement in terms of punctuation, grammar, and capitalization. Each paragraph can be expanded with more sentences for clarity and supporting examples. The thesis and concluding sentence can be refined to better reflect the essay's content.
Step-by-step explanation:
Introduction
The introduction should include the author, title of the work, publication date, historical context, and a brief summary. Additionally, it should clearly state the thesis or main claim. In this case, the thesis statement is: "McLaren’s assertion that women have been complicit in the sexism that has riddled their lives is a fair comment."
Paragraph 1
This paragraph addresses the societal pressures that discourage women from speaking out against sexism. To improve the paragraph, you can add a couple of more sentences to provide examples or further explain the concept of societal pressures.
Paragraph 2
This paragraph discusses the societal norms and expectations women face that silence their voices against sexism. Similarly, you can expand on this by providing additional examples or further elaborating on the impact of these norms.
Paragraph 3
This paragraph highlights how the silence of women in the face of sexism can perpetuate discrimination. To enhance the paragraph, you can include more sentences to provide evidence or delve deeper into the concept of perpetuation.
Conclusion
The conclusion sentence should restate the thesis using new words and provide a brief summary of the main arguments. It should also explain the significance of the analysis and research to other scholars and society. Additionally, you can mention what readers should take away from the essay.
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