Final answer:
The paragraph could benefit from adding details about the program's specific features that appeal to you, any relevant experiences, how they align with career goals, and a polite expression of anticipation to hear from the admissions team.
Step-by-step explanation:
Hello Candace, your introductory paragraph expresses a clear interest in the Wilson Tech program for Nurse assisting, which is a good start. To enhance your paragraph and make a more compelling case for your admission, consider adding a few elements. Discussing specific aspects of the program that appeal to you, such as certain courses or facilities, can show that you have done your research and are committed to the field. Additionally, mentioning any relevant experience you have, like volunteer work in healthcare settings, could strengthen your application.
In the context of Jane Career and Brett Ellison's introductions, Jane's provides a good model for you. She outlines her qualifications, including her degree in Healthcare Administration and her practical experience through an internship. Meanwhile, Brett's introduction could be bolstered by adding more details about why the position suits him. Similarly, you could elaborate on why the Nurse assisting program at Wilson Tech is a good fit for your career aspirations to become a Registered Nurse.
Given that the Wilson Tech program could be a stepping stone toward achieving your goal of becoming an RN, you might want to mention how Wilson Tech's reputation and your work ethic make you an excellent candidate. Wrapping up with a polite thank you and an expression of eager anticipation to hear back from the admissions team can leave a positive impression.