Question

Hey please help.

im not sure if this will get taken down but i need someones opinion is this good for a kissing scene im writing a book,,,,



He shook his head but continued to stare at me. Then he moved closer, separating the gap between us. He lifted his hand and brushed my hair back. Then he gave me a short peck on my lips, his eyes searching mine for what was about to happen. Excited, I grabbed his face and started kissing him passionately. This was it, my first kiss! It was so exciting! So fun! I felt all these things at once, pushing me forward, adrenaline running through me, that in the moment, I wasn't thinking, just doing. As I used my tongue to explore his mouth, I felt like suddenly I could understand him more. I felt closer to him, not just physically but overall. After what felt like 2 seconds, James pulled back , signifying that the kiss was over. My heart still racing, I longed for more. But then I remembered where I was and what was happening...

Answer 1

Its really good but try and make some sentences shorter or longer to show the feelings the narrator has as the beginning and near end have long sentences. My feedback is too shorten it and/or use long sentences a lot to describe all the adrenaline.

On the other hand its really good and I love the cliff-hanger and and the short sentences used :)

Answer 2

Answer: OMGGG ITS REALLY GOOD!!! I think its perfect with what you're writing, very detailed which is really good for a book, it makes you feel you're there.. even tho you left a open ending its really good hope your book goes well.