Final answer:
Maintaining a formal tone in writing includes avoiding casual language or slang, maintaining objectivity, using third person point of view and formal language. Revision of sentence 15 would involve focusing on sentence structure, word choice and objectivity.
Step-by-step explanation:
Without the particular sentence 15, it's difficult to provide a specific revision for maintaining a formal tone. However, general advice for maintaining a formal tone includes avoiding slang, maintaining objectivity, using third person point of view rather than first person, and using formal language instead of casual speech.
For example, instead of 'you can see the writer finding their way', a more formal tone would be 'it is evident that the writer is navigating through the writing process'. For 'cut out unnecessary words', a more formal edition might be 'extraneous words were eliminated'.
Focusing on sentence structure, word choice, and objectivity can help maintain a formal tone. Take note of words, phrases, and structures that might appear informal or too conversational and replace with more academic or formal language.
Learn more about Formal Writing