Question

Okay im writing a autobiography but i need your honest opion if it has good imagery or now and on hat i need to fix .

Majority of my friends don't believe me when I tell them the story that
I once had an army of seagulls doing anything I wanted to my command. The event happened on a small island called Isla Mujeres. I was in the 5th grade when I went to the Isla, I didn't know any better. When I was young all I cared about was causing trouble and having fun. My brother and I went to a small island called Isla Mujeres, we were there for a family reunion. Everyone was happy being able to see each other again. My brother and I were the youngest there at the moment so all we had were each other. We were bored out of our minds and also ravenous, we strolled over to our auntie asking for food. She told us food wouldn't be served until another hour or two. My brother started to throw a fit yelling “I'M HUNGRY FEED ME NOW!” My auntie felt bad for my brother and I. She ended up giving us a party-size bag of chips. We were delighted that we finally had food. We sprinted down to the bay to sit on the sand, eat our chips, and enjoy the cool breeze. Then we heard a Squeaking sound creeping up behind us, we slowly turned around and to our surprise, it was a seagull. We were at a loss because seagulls normally fly away when people get too close to them, but this one was different because it kept getting closer to us. The seagull reminded me of Scuttle from The Little Mermaid, it had a cow lick on his head just like Scuttle. My brother held a chip out pointing it to Scuttle, and Scuttle immediately waddled his way over to eat it out of his hand. We were treating Scuttle like a dog each time we threw a chip he’d waddled towards the chip and waddled back to us, we a whole bunch of chips to see how long it would take him to eat them. “WHOSH” another seagull flew in to steal Scuttle chips, “WHOSH” “WHOSH” “WHOSH” more and more seagulls started to fly in to take the chips. We threw a handful of chips so they could all share, but it didn't stop them more and more just kept coming."Mine! Mine! Mine!"

Answer 1

This sounds like a very interesting autobiography to read. It looks fine but may need a few modifications

1. Engage the readers' senses by describing how things looked, sounded, smelled, and felt. This will make your story more immersive. For example, you can describe the sound of the seagulls' wings flapping, the feel of the sand between your toes, or the taste of the chips.
2. Also, describe the emotions you and your brother were feeling during the events. This will help readers connect with your experience on a deeper level. For example, you can describe your excitement when you finally got the chips or your surprise when the seagulls kept coming.
3. The comparison to Scuttle from "The Little Mermaid" is a good touch. You can use more such comparisons or metaphors to add depth to your storytelling.
4. Consider organizing your narrative more clearly. It jumps between different events quickly, so using transitional phrases or paragraphs can help create a smoother flow. For instance, after describing your arrival on the island, you can transition into the scene with the seagulls more smoothly.
5. When including dialogue, try to make it more engaging and reflective of the characters. For example, instead of just saying, "I'M HUNGRY FEED ME NOW!" you can describe your brother's tone and expression when he said it.
6. Finally, consider adding a brief reflection or conclusion to your story. You can share what you learned from this experience or how it impacted you. It gives your story a sense of closure.
7. Hi. Reach out via proffrank01[at]gm ail. c0m or discord (username: proffrank01) if you need help with refining your autobiography

Step-by-step explanation: