Question

Please read my little head space and give your thoughts and ideas. worth 100 points!

please give back any feedback you have and any thoughts you have

~The castles in the sand falling over as the water slowly rushed forward, the sand mixing with the water washing away the little mistakes. She watched fascinated by the way the waves took away all the mistakes making it seem as if it was never there. Her footsteps washed away in the water. The letters she had written washed away as well. She wondered why life couldn’t be the same. Why you couldn’t just wash away your mistakes and flaws with water, why the beach gets to do it with all its mistakes but not her. She sat there lost in thought as the water rushed towards her knocking her off balance in the water. Then she realized the water carried all the memories of its mistakes, it just hid them really well. She had that in common with the waves and sand, hiding all her mistakes, and flaws with smiles, and a sweet voice.~

Answer 1

Your writing is engaging and descriptive, capturing the moment of the protagonist's contemplation on the impermanence of life and the desire to wash away one's mistakes. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

• Try to vary the sentence length and structure to create a more dynamic and engaging writing style. For example, consider combining some of the shorter sentences to make the writing flow better.

• Consider adding a bit more context or background to the protagonist's thoughts and feelings to provide more depth and insight into her character. For example, why is she so fixated on the idea of washing away mistakes?

• Watch out for errors in punctuation and grammar, such as missing commas and capitalization errors. These can detract from the overall quality of the writing.

Overall, your writing has a lot of potential and could be even stronger with a few small improvements.

Answer 2

1. Where it says watched fascinated. I would put a period in between the two words.

2. When you have a sentence in a text like this add a question mark.

3. It says then she realized the water carried all the memories of ITS mistakes it’s just hid them really well that just dosnt really make any sense.

other than that I like it. It really describes the scene in detail and it takes me where your mind is.