Question

Please read my little head space and give your thoughts and ideas. worth 100 points!

please give back any feedback you have and any thoughts you have

~The castles in the sand falling over as the water slowly rushed forward, the sand mixing with the water washing away the little mistakes. She watched fascinated by the way the waves took away all the mistakes making it seem as if it was never there. Her footsteps washed away in the water. The letters she had written washed away as well. She wondered why life couldn’t be the same. Why you couldn’t just wash away your mistakes and flaws with water, why the beach gets to do it with all its mistakes but not her. She sat there lost in thought as the water rushed towards her knocking her off balance in the water. Then she realized the water carried all the memories of its mistakes, it just hid them really well. She had that in common with the waves and sand, hiding all her mistakes, and flaws with smiles, and a sweet voice.~

Answer 1

Great! Try and find some synonyms for words repeated. Such as "water" could be "sea."

Answer 2

Your writing captures a vivid and introspective moment of the protagonist observing the waves and the sand, and reflecting on the impermanence of life and the desire to wash away one's mistakes. It's a great start and showcases strong descriptive skills.

However, I would suggest making a few revisions to improve the clarity and flow of the piece. Here are a few suggestions:

• Consider breaking the piece up into paragraphs to make it easier to read and follow along with the different thoughts and observations.

• Vary the sentence structure and length to make the writing more dynamic and engaging.

• Provide a bit more context or background on the protagonist's thoughts and feelings. For example, what is she struggling with that makes her reflect on the idea of washing away mistakes? Adding a bit more depth to the character's motivations and emotions can help the reader connect with the piece on a deeper level.

• Consider using more active verbs and avoiding passive voice where possible. For example, instead of "She watched fascinated by the way the waves took away all the mistakes", try "She fascinatedly watched as the waves carried away all the mistakes".

Overall, the piece shows a lot of potential and could be even stronger with a few tweaks to the writing.