Question

Please read the whole question Worth 100 points!!

Please read the little saying and describe how it makes you feel
*this is something I wrote*

~She has dreams and things she wants to say all locked up in her head. Waiting to say them all. Waiting for her fears to go away so she can let herself breath. But she walks through life hiding her thoughts, her dreams, and her words. She thinks to herself a lot, she stays in her world where it’s safe, where she feels safe. Everytime she tries to step out of it she breaks, her knees end up bruised, she ends up shutting down. She holds her nightmares, and fears in a little box wrapped in chains, locks of different sorts, and locked in her head. But sometimes she wanders into it, she ends up hurting herself, her fears taking over consuming her, until she’s broken more than before. Her heart aching, her dreams crushed. But she tries to be better more than anything and forgets it all or at least tells herself she forgets, to make it seem like a bad dream. But at the end of the day, when no one is around she gets dragged back into the fears.~
~MJA

Answer 1

The piece you've written is an evocative and heartfelt expression of the internal struggles and fears of the subject.

However, I would suggest a few minor changes to improve the clarity and flow of the piece:

• Replace "let herself breath" with "let herself breathe" for better grammar.

• Consider breaking up the longer paragraphs into shorter ones for easier readability.

•Change "her knees end up bruised" to "her knees become bruised" for better clarity.

•Replace "consumes her" with "consume her" for better grammar.

Overall, your writing is excellent, and the emotions are conveyed effectively. Well done!

Answer 2

wow. Considering you wrote this is very impressive. Putting it into words most people wouldn't know how to simply describe, but may know what this feels like. It can feel very lonely when feeling these things. But overtime it gets better something you don't want to hear or something you've maybe already have heard and are tired of hearing but it's true. wonderful writing. I am truly impressed.