Question

I have to do an argumentative essay for English.

Please tell me what my essay is missing.
The topic of extreme sports is crucial for determining and assessing their risk and knowledge before participating. The people most impacted are children interested in extreme sports and their parents, who are trying to assess the danger. Extreme sports are dangerous; they can result in a painful retirement, broken limbs, and permanently paralyzed body parts. You don't want to be paralyzed by extreme sports, do you?




Extreme sports are not worth the risk. They often result in countless injuries with harrowing and surreal consequences. Many celebrities, such as Detroit Lions guard Mike Utley, became paralyzed from the chest down after hitting their heads on the artificial turf in the fourth quarter of a 1991 game, breaking their 6th and 7th cervical vertebrae. There are many examples of NBA players with broken limbs, like Anthony Davis of the Pelicans.

Moreover, Vani Sabesan, M.D., an Associate Professor, states, "There is no adequate protection that can prevent accidents, falls, trips, broken bones, and concussions." Over 40,000 injuries related to extreme sports are head and neck injuries, which can be very serious and lead to lifelong disabilities.

Landon's family says, "He broke his neck after participating in extreme sports activity." This quote confirms my claim. It shows the disastrous consequences correlated with extreme sports and the inability of children to assess the danger because the brain is still developing.

The correlation between young people and sports is negative, and participating in them can have consequences. The outcome of abstinence from extreme sports is fewer injuries, fewer deaths, and less to mourn for.

Answer 1

First of all, basketball and football are not considered "extreme sports." They're contact sports, but not considered "extreme."

The last line in the first paragraph almost sounds like a threat, and there are grammar issues throughout this essay. This is an improved version:

Extreme sports, such as rock climbing, snowboarding, and motocross, have become increasingly popular in recent years. While they can be thrilling and offer a sense of accomplishment, they also come with a high risk of serious injury or death. In this essay, I will argue that the risks involved in extreme sports outweigh the benefits and that participating in these sports is not worth it.

One of the biggest risks associated with extreme sports is the potential for serious injury. Athletes who participate in these sports are often required to perform dangerous stunts and maneuvers that can result in broken bones, head injuries, and even paralysis. For example, in 2017, professional snowboarder Kevin Pearce suffered a traumatic brain injury while training for the Winter X Games. Despite years of rehabilitation, he is still unable to walk or talk. Similarly, motocross rider Jackson Strong sustained a spinal cord injury during a training accident in 2012, leaving him paralyzed from the waist down. These stories are not unique, there are countless other examples of professional athletes who have suffered similar injuries.

Extreme sports also carry a significant risk of death. In 2016, professional climber Ueli Steck died in a climbing accident on Mount Everest. Similarly, freeskier Glen Plake died in a skiing accident in 2019. These deaths are a tragic reminder that even the most experienced athletes can fall victim to the dangers of extreme sports.

Beyond the risk of injury and death, extreme sports can also have negative effects on a person's overall well-being. The constant pursuit of danger can lead to addiction, mental health problems, and a lack of fulfillment in other areas of life. Many athletes who participate in extreme sports have reported feelings of depression, anxiety, and burnout.

Despite the excitement and adrenaline rush that extreme sports can provide, the risks associated with them are simply too great. The potential for serious injury or death is a constant threat, and the negative impact on a person's overall well-being is not worth it. Instead of participating in extreme sports, individuals should consider other hobbies and activities that offer the same sense of accomplishment and adrenaline rush without the associated risks.

In conclusion, while extreme sports can be thrilling and provide a sense of accomplishment, the risks involved are simply too great. The potential for serious injury and death, as well as negative effects on one's overall well-being, make them not worth it. It's important for individuals to consider the potential risks and weigh them against the benefits before participating in any extreme sports activities.