Okay, so I'm writing a fanfic and here is the first chapter! Any advice on how to make it better or to improve? Even any ideas to add to it? If you do give a good idea I like, I will add it to the chapter and give you credit at the end of the chapter once its published! Here it is:
Chapter Title: Who Are You?
You ran as fast as you could behind RG, as you both took cover in the shed that lied ahead of you both. Once you finally get to the shed, RG stands in the doorway for a second looking at what was behind you both. She slams the door and gets a board that was laying up against a wall next to the door, and leverages it under the doorknob. A loud banging grew louder on the door, of someone or something trying to get in. You both back away in fear of who or what was on the other side.
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You looked down at the ocean of water below you. You were in a hot-air-balloon unaware of your destination. You continued to pear over the basket into the dark ocean. You thought about your parents and how you departed.
The last thing you seam to remember is you mother putting you in the basket, and saying, "Everything is going to be alright," and, "Your going to a place known as, "The Nest," and that it was safe, and you could be taken care of there." You didn't quite understand what she meant. Wasn't your home a safe place? What was wrong with where you lived? Was this place gonna be your "new" home? Would you ever see your parents again? Questions flooded your mind, yet you didn't know any of the answers to them.
From the looks of how things were going, you were not alright. You were cold and tired, and just wanted to be in their arms again. You wanted the truth, and if where you were going was truly safe, and what, and where, "The Nest," was.
You sit down on the floor of the basket, see that The Nest, wasn't going to turn up anytime soon. You look over to the other side of the basket, and are shocked to see another child in the basket with you. A little girl wearing a bright yellow raincoat, sitting in the corner across from you, with her face in her knees.
You were surprised you hadn't noticed her already. You were so caught up with your problems and how you felt, that you didn't pay any attention to her, all tho you didn't hear her, and she had been completely silent the entire trip. There was no telling if she was in the balloon when you got in, or if you hadn't noticed her get in later on, while you were daydreaming of your parents and where you were headed.
You stare in her direction, and start to slowly scoot around the walls of the basket in her direction, hoping she would look up to notice, but she had no reaction, and continued to sit with her face planted in her knees. You scoot a little bit more to another wall of the basket, and still no reaction. You slide over to the side she is on, hoping she would notice you, but still nothing. You begin to question if she knew you were there but was too shy to say anything. She was obviously not gonna make the first move, so you decided to. You stand up and walk over to her, and stick your hand to greet yourself to her.
"Hi! I'm (Your Name)!", you say with confidence, hoping she would tell you hers. She sat still for a moment, and your confidence in her responding, once again began to degrade, so your hand falls back to your side, but then... finally.. she lifts her head. With her big yellow hood covering her eyes, she looks up at you.
"Hi", she faintly whispers.
She then placed her chin back on her knees. You were then assured that she wasn't comfortable with striking a conversation with you, so you walk over and sit down a couple feet away from her. You were in for a quiet ride. "Maybe she would be interested in talking when you got to your destination," you thought to yourself, but there was no telling. She didn't appear shy, or scared, just a little paranoid around another person. As if she had never been around another kid her age, and didn't know how to react.
You start to settle down, and get comfortable, and then you feel as if the balloon had landed on something. You notice the girl in the yellow raincoat stand up and walk over to the edge. You stand up and walk over next to her, to see where you were, tho the only thing you could see is a wooden platform and the large ocean beneath, over the edge.
You had to be hundreds of feet up. You look over to the girl, and notice she had a scared look on her face as she was peering at the ocean that had to be about a mile down. Was she scared of heights?
She slowly backed from the edge as she looked toward you. You look at her with a big grin trying to comfort her.
"Welp! Looks like were he--" but you were interrupted by the crackling sound of a loud crash!
End of chapter.
So what do you think? What do you think would make it better?