Question

Is the passage of dialogue written correctly or incorrectly? "Are you certain there are no more pickles left?" Mr. Jenkins asked. "Yes, I ate the last one myself," said Ms. Evans, who looked sheepish. "It's no problem, but I wish there was a store nearby." "I'm afraid not," Ms. Evans said. "The nearest one is twenty miles away."

Answer 1

Technically yes, but generally all dialogue is separated into lines:

"Are you certain there are no more pickles left?" Mr. Jenkins asked.
"Yes, I ate the last one myself," said Ms. Evans, who looked sheepish.
"It's no problem, but I wish there was a store nearby."
"I'm afraid not," Ms. Evans said. "The nearest one is twenty miles away."