In order to understand this passage, it would be useful to have some context. In this passage, the author describes the life of a British official living in the East during colonial times. We learn that he is committed to doing something in order to appear strong, even though he is not sure that it really is the best thing to do. In these lines, the main idea conveyed is that the protagonist feels forced to act in a certain way due to his position as a representative of government. This is meant to show how colonialism was not always a positive experience for those belonging to the empire. The author conveys this message by using devices such as internal dialogues and vivid language.