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Hi,

Please,you can correct my text, my mistakes, punctuation. Thank you from my heart and wish you a joyous Easter celebration.

The young girl's point of view
My name is Ruby Bridges, I am six years old . Today is a great day because on this Monday, November 14 , 1960 I am allowed to go to a public school attended only by whites, the famous William Frantz school. Four Policemen escorted me, my mom told me that was my safety, because they do not want me in this school because I am black. I do not understand this hostility, but I feel my mother's anxiety and that scared me. All these people looking at me and insulting me they terrorized me. I do not understand what I am doing wrong. I'm just a little girl from New Orleans who was born in a black skin I was anxious about discovering this school and all these people who want to prevent me from entering. Despite the crowd agitated and threatening and that fear which knots my stomach I'm still happy. Happy and proud to be the first black girl going to a school for white only.

Ruby's mother's point of view.
What time mom?, I am very proud because my little daughter, is one of first African-American to integrate public elementary school. But all this trouble makes me nervous. This hostile crowd that insults us and launched tomatoes to us to deter us from entering . I am afraid for my little Ruby, afraid they can harm her despite police escort. If only I could be with her, holding her hand to reassure her, congratulate her for her bravery. She is still so small. I will really feel better when she will be finally safe within the walls of this school.

The tomato's point of view.

I was a beautiful ripe red tomato ready to be enjoyed, which asked nothing to anyone and that is suddenly found in the hands of an angry stranger. This man is full of hatred to an innocent little girl doing her school entry. I felt projected into the air to fly away next to this kid who was the primary purpose. She would be certainly injured If I would touch her.. Fortunately this man was a bad pitcher, and I lay now crashed against the wall. As an insults against this little girl. I am o agonizing without anyone to worry about me. Attending helplessly to this hate overflowed by this hostile crowd.

1 Answer

2 votes
Alrighty, first set of corrections is from the one with the young girl's point of view. Since it starts off in the present, as if she is currently at the school, any changes will be shifted into the appropriate tenses.

In the second sentence, there should be a comma after "1960" so that it makes a phrase. ("this Monday, November 14, 1960, I am")

The third sentence should be restructured slightly and split into two sentences. Also, "policemen" doesn't need to be capitalized.
"Four policemen will escort me, which my mom told me was for my safety. Some people don't want me in this school because I am black."

The fourth sentence looks fine except for the tenses don't quite fit. I'd suggest changing "feel" to "felt," as if this is from after she is away from her mother. ("I felt my mother's anxiety, and that scared me.")

In the fifth sentence, you can drop "they" before the word "terrorized." ("and insulting me terrorized me") Also, you can put the fifth and sixth sentences together, if you'd like. ("and insulting me terrorized me, because I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.")

The seventh sentence should probably be split up, as it doesn't really make sense right now.
"I'm just a little girl from New Orleans who was born with black skin. I am anxious about discovering this school, and all these people who want to prevent me from entering."

The eighth sentence, again just needs a bit of restructuring; correct phrases and whatnot.
"Despite the crowd being agitated and threatening me, and the fear that knots my stomach, I'm still happy."

In the ninth sentence, "white" should be changed to either "whites" or "white people".

Onto the second set, which is from the mother's point of view.

The first sentence the question "What time Mom?" makes no sense in this narrative, so I'd suggest just getting rid of it.

The second sentence just has a few small errors. There shouldn't be a comma between "daughter" and "is" ("my little daughter is one"), and you should put "into" after "integrate" because it flows better that way, and makes a bit more sense. ("to integrate into public elementary school.")

The third sentence seems perfectly fine to me.

In the fourth sentence, you can drop "that" and make sure all the tenses are the same.
"This hostile crowd insults us, and has launched tomatoes at us to deter us from entering."

In the fifth sentence, it all looks good, but I'd suggest adding "her" or "the" in front of "police escort" to show whose escort it is. ("despite her police escort" or "despite the police escort")

The sixth sentence should have "to" before "congratulate" ("to reassure her, to congratulate her").

The seventh sentence is fine.

In the eighth sentence, to make the tenses cooperate, I'd suggest changing "when she will be safe" to "when she is safe".

Last, but not least, the tomato's point of view.

The first sentence should probably be split up, and kept in first person.
"I was a beautiful ripe red tomato, ready to be enjoyed. I asked nothing of anyone, but suddenly found myself in the hands of an angry stranger."

Since the first sentence started in the past tense, and hasn't quite caught up to the present yet, the second sentence should be in the past tense as well.
"This man was full of hatred toward an innocent little girl trying to enter her school."

The third sentence needs a little restructuring in order to make more sense.
"I felt myself thrown through the air, toward the girl."

The fourth simply needs restructuring, as well.
"She certainly would've gotten hurt if I had hit her."

In the fifth sentence, I would suggest changing how you describe why the man missed.
"Fortunately, the man had terrible aim, and I crashed against the wall."

The sixth sentence doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but if I were you, I'd change around the sixth sentence, and put it together with the seventh sentence.
"I'm in agony over the fact that I was meant as an insult to this little girl, as I attend helplessly to the hate overflowing from this hostile crowd."

I hope this helps, dear. :)
User Okroshiashvili
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