If polo is called the sport of kings, then ferret legging should be called the sport of eunuchs. Should be, but it’s not. Eunuchs would only take the fun out of this manly sport, much as ferrets could take the manhood out of the man. As a sport, ferret legging really does not have a lot going for it, but then neither do the men who participate in it. As for the ferrets, one can only wonder what they ever did to deserve such a fate.
Ferrets, for those who don’t know, are weasel-like mammals that consist of 34 razor sharp teeth, needle-like claws, and a bunch of other parts that don’t really matter. Their teeth alone are enough to make them obligate carnivores, which means they can only eat meat, which further means that vegetables are about the only things that can intimidate them. A group of ferrets is called a business. Do not do business with a group of ferrets. Not only is there a reason for the word ferret being derived from a Latin word meaning “little thief,” but there is also a reason for ferrets being called “piranhas with claws.” They like their business bloody.
Ferrets were first domesticated in Greece 2,500 years ago, around the time the Greeks were running out of new ideas. Had ferrets known what lay in store for them, they probably would have bit the hands that fed them. At first they were put to work killing rats, when the Greeks realized the futility of waiting for cats to work. When this proved successful, they were employed to hunt rabbits, where they excelled at flushing them out of their tight, dark burrows. As hunting was their sole purpose in life anyway, they likely considered this a fair trade for food and housing, and didn’t much notice the dignity they were losing by being domesticated. But all that was a long time before the 1970’s, when the loss of dignity became the main goal instead of a side effect. This was the era that gave us disco, bell bottoms, feathered hair, John Travolta, 1st AND 2nd hand smoke, and ferret legging.
If you have never heard of ferret legging before, it’s probably because you only read the work of respectable writers. Or because animal rights groups have been united in their efforts to stop a sport they consider any shred of dignity they have remaining. I am neither a respectable writer nor an animal rights activist, yet I still find ferret legging so horrifying that I have to give you fair warning — stop reading now, go hug your dog or cat, and forget that you ever heard about it. Or the 19
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