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4 votes
4 votes
Read the following short excerpt of student writing. Use your vocabulary and grammar knowledge to determine which suggestions you would make to improve his or her grammar and word choice. I really thought she loved me but I discovered her grave betrayal one afternoon. It was easy to figure out because she accidentally sent a text to me that was meant for him. I was confused by the text because it said, "Don't tell Mike." I felt insulted that she thought she could get away with this infidelity. At first I felt very angry bitter and hateful but then I felt so hopeless and depressed. I longed for her to call me. I thought if I could just hear her pleasing voice, maybe then I would not be filled with such bitterness. Instead of calling her I talked to another friend who is good at listening and feeling my pain. Talking with her makes me feel euphoric. I think I may be on the road to recovery. What word would you suggest to replace the underlined word or words in this excerpt? At first I felt very angry but then I felt so hopeless and depressed. I longed for her to call me. (5 points) euphonious amiable despondent euphoric

User Taranttini
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2 Answers

25 votes
25 votes
Add more periods and switch the sentences up a bit. It seems like you are using the word “I” a little to much. Try saying things like “Me personally” or “Myself” because readers get tired of reading the same things over and over again. hope this helped!!
User Osuwariboy
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2.5k points
27 votes
27 votes

Answer:

Add commas.

Split up long sentences, because they are run-ons.

User Wenic
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3.1k points