Question

How does this sound?

Ever wondered what it's like for the mill workers each day? Well, they aren’t that good. The daily life of a worker is to wake up, eat little food, get to work on time, stand for about 15 hours, head to the dorms, eat poorly again, then sleep while being crammed in between 2 other people. Workers have to do gruesome tasks that can cause lots of health problems later on, such as arthritis and Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. They were also not fed properly which can lead to…
• osteoporosis and bone fractures.
• infertility.
• developmental problems.
• a weakened immune system.
• malnutrition.
• increased risk of surgical complications.
• anemia.
• And chronic fatigue.
Some of these diseases can be treated, but some can’t. In conclusion, workers are treated very poorly. A lot of people have died while working there, and a lot are sick. These workers need to be treated better, they are human beings like the rest of us.

Answer 1

I'd say you did a very fine job! You have a nice balance of description and facts.

The sentence "Well, they aren't that good" needs work, and could be changed, especially the phrase "aren't that good" seems quite passive.

You've used "a lot" repetitively, consider changing to "many" in the conclusion sentence.

Other than that its wonderful! Fix up tiny things and you should be very proud to turn that in.