34.7k views
4 votes
I need help judging a love poem I wrote. please be honest and open. any corrections are beneficial, here it is. if you need any explanations or an input don't be afraid to msg me

This I will wonder, possibly to my demise.
is that the spark of love i see hidden in your eyes?
have found out about my feelings for you?
are you able to return then soon?
If not I understand, you have to go, be your own man.
But if you choose to I'll make a promise, never to forsake you,
only as long as that spark remains in your eyes,
and mine too, then always and forever,
my heart will belong to you.

2 Answers

5 votes
It's cool, it have ryhmes except the last 4 lines. Other than that it's really nice.

User Bills
by
8.9k points
6 votes
Did you mean return THEM soon? The 6th line does not make sense. Other than that, it's great!
User Phyllie
by
8.4k points

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