Question

Didnt include works cited the underlines are intentional pls what would you grade this pls i need answer fast

My Topic: OPT IN FOR A LATER SCHOOL START TIME
Hook:
Breakfast anyone, more sleep, better grades? These are just a few reasons why school should convene later in the day.
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My Claim/Thesis: The school day should begin at 9:45 am because, this would allow students additional time to prepare for their school day; they would be more rested in class, perform better, get better grades, and engage more in physical activities.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Reason #1 and evidence
Students’ brains are still asleep earlier in the morning rather than later. Schools that have a start time of 9:00 AM or later allow adolescent students the opportunity to get the recommended amount of sleep on school nights: about 8.5 to 9.5 hours.”(CDC Media Relations) . “A substantial body of research has now demonstrated that delaying school start times is an effective countermeasure to chronic sleep loss and has a wide range of potential benefits to students with regard to physical and mental health, and academic achievement.”(AAP Pediatrics) .









Students who stay up too late doing schoolwork, and other related task will not be as focused in class, and may miss important information due to insufficient sleep. Furthermore, some students dread waking up at cockcrow, and perhaps forgoing breakfast just to arrive before that all too familiar sounding bell which indicates it is time for class to begin.. “A recent poll conducted by the CDC found that 60% of students report being tired in class, and 15% report falling asleep in class.”(CDC, Media Relations)


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Evidence--Textual Support for Reason #1: __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Reason #2: Another reason a later school time would be beneficial is because adolescents that suffer from a lack of sleep are more likely to be overweight, perform poorly in school, and not engage in daily physical activities. According to the CDC, “Insufficient sleep is common among students and is associated with several health risks including being overweight, as well as poor academic performance.”(CDC Media Relations)
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Evidence--Textual Support

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Reason #3: __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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Counterargument (What does the “other” side say?): Some people think say school day is just fine the way it is, and starting later would not have any significant benefits. Students should got to bed early in order to be rested and prepared to start an early school day; and because they go to bed too late, should not be a reason for school to start later.
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Way to Dispute Counterargument: While this may be partially true, students that go to bed late are typically up working on assignments, and projects in an effort to complete them in timely manner. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Wrap-Up (may include a call-to-action): These reasons are just a few things of what we can do to prevent sleep loss, improve health, and improve students’ grades, just by starting school later in the morning.
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Answer 1

OVERALL GRADE: 3 ; too many grammar mistakes.

FEEDBACK/"FIXES":

Hook: Change it to: "Breakfast, anyone? How about more sleep and better grades? These seem appealing, right? These are just a few benefits of school convening later in the day."

Claim/Thesis: Change it to: "The school day should begin at 9:45 AM because it would allow students additional time to prepare for their school day; they would be better rested, perform better, and engage more in physical activities."

Evidence/Reasoning #1: Change it to: "After all, students' brains are still asleep when it's early in the morning. Schools that start at 9:00 AM or later allow students the opportunity to get the recommended amount of sleep [8.5 - 9.5 hours.]"

Okay I have to go now but I hope what I provided helps.