72.8k views
4 votes
Read the sentence. I told them how surprised and excited I was to have my painting selected, especially since I’d felt so incompetent at the beginning and I knew the competition was so ruthless. Which revision best uses dialogue to improve the sentence? “Yup, it was a big surprise,” I told them. “I’m excited that my painting was selected! Especially since I felt so incompetent at the beginning and the competition was so ruthless.” “Honestly, I was surprised,” I told them truthfully. “The competition was ruthless, and I felt incompetent at the beginning. It’s really exciting to have my painting selected!” “I’m in! My painting is in! I feel a fist pump and a little dance coming on,” I said, grinning. I thought about how I felt so incompetent at the beginning because of the ruthless competition. “Did you hear?” I asked them. “My painting got selected! Exciting, right?” I smiled. “Especially given that I felt so incompetent at the beginning and that the competition was ruthless!” (its not B)

User Lukas Gund
by
7.3k points

2 Answers

3 votes

“I’m in! My painting is in! I feel a fist pump and a little dance coming on,” I said, grinning. I thought about how I felt so incompetent at the beginning because of the ruthless competition.

User Luis Neves
by
7.6k points
0 votes
I'm pretty sure it is the third sentence, where it says “Honestly, I was surprised,” I told them truthfully. “The competition was ruthless, and I felt incompetent at the beginning. It’s really exciting to have my painting selected!”
User CamilB
by
8.2k points
Welcome to QAmmunity.org, where you can ask questions and receive answers from other members of our community.