The first step is understanding-i'm not completely sure how to explain it, but I think it'll make sense if I put the steps in order. Here:
1. Understand (and act with compassion for the speaker)
2. Evaluate (What the person stated-let it sink in and analyze it)
3. Remembering (what you heard-Understood/Evaluated)
4. Selecting (What you should/need to say)
5. Responding (with an appropriate reply)
Hope this helps! -Laura