Question

[1] It amazes me that a week ago, only seven days prior to the big event, I was so worried that my camp presentation on conservation would be a big flop. [2] A teacher once told me that if you grab the audience’s attention at the very beginning, they’ll be hooked. [3] She was right. [4] I began my presentation by showing how a solar cell and a simple wire powered by the sun could use the sun’s powerful rays to make a fan spin.

What is the best revision of sentence 4?

I began my presentation by showing how a solar cell and a wire could use the sun’s rays to make a fan spin.

I began by using a solar cell and a simple wire powered by the sun’s rays to use the sun’s power and make a fan spin.

Using a simple wire and a solar cell, I began by showing how to use the sun’s powerful rays to make a fan spin.

answer is the first one!!

Answer 1

The best revision is 'I began my presentation by showing how a solar cell and a wire could use the sun’s rays to make a fan spin.' which eliminates redundancy and focuses on the main components and purpose of the demonstration.

Step-by-step explanation:

The best revision of sentence 4, considering the goal to reduce wordiness and enhance clarity, is: "I began my presentation by showing how a solar cell and a wire could use the sun’s rays to make a fan spin." This revision eliminates redundancy and unnecessary details, focusing on the essential components of the demonstration and the purpose behind it. By simplifying the sentence, the clarity is improved, and the audience can easily grasp the connection between the solar cell, the sun's rays, and the resulting action of the fan spinning. Moreover, this clear and concise starting point sets the stage for the rest of the presentation, drawing the audience into the topic of conservation and the innovative use of solar energy.

Answer 2

The answer is the first one because it elimantes the redundancy that makes the original sentence hard to read.

To be redundant is to state information more than necessary, and in the original sentence the fact that the sun's rays are powering the wire and the fan is stated twice.