Question

Read the excerpt from an essay about fairy tales. The Grimms' fairy tales address the experiences of people who are living in difficult situations. For example, there is the story of Rapunzel. There is also the story of Hansel and Gretel, who had to escape their house in order to find food and were locked out. Which revision would best help the author support the thesis more effectively? The author should explain why Hansel and Gretel were locked out. The author should explain how Rapunzel's story fits into the thesis. The author should add one more story as an example to support the thesis. The author should explain why Hansel and Gretel's situation is difficult.

Answer 1

The author should explain how Rapunzel's story fits into the thesis.

He starts his thesis by saying the the Grimms' fairy tales address the experiences of people who are living in difficult situations. The next logical step would be to give examples explaining and supporting his original statement. He mentions the story of Rapunzel but does not explain how the story supports his statement. When writing a thesis you cannot just assume that the readers know everything that you are talking about, you need to give explanations. He needs to explain how Rapunzel's story fits into the thesis and supports his initial statement.

He could also do with explaining the story of Hansel and Gretel in more detail really but initially he needs to explain Rapunzel's story.

Answer 2

The revision that would best help the author support the thesis more effectively is the following: The author should explain how Rapunzel's story fits into the thesis.

The author first presents his thesis (The Grimms' fairy tales address the experiences of people who are living in difficult situations), and then provides two examples: Rapunzel and Hansel and Gretel. However, he only explains the latter (who had to escape their house in order to find food and were locked out.) Any reader could be confused as to why Rapunzel's story fits into the thesis, since he does not support his example with evidence.