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Can you help me fix up my answer to this question and add a conclusion?

Is the society of Animal Farm a classless one?
I think that Animal Farm has two social classes: government and civilian. The government, which consists of the pigs, is the upper class. They get extra milk and apples and “did not actually work” (45). Meanwhile, the civilians are all of the other animals on the farm, like the horses and birds. The horses “would harness themselves to the cutter or horse-rake” (45), and the birds “[gathered] stray grains” (47). They all "toiled and sweated... the work was hard" (45).

User Guy Carmin
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Answer:

I think that Animal Farm has two social classes: government and civilian. The government, which consists of the pigs, is the upper class. They get extra milk and apples and “did not actually work” (45). Meanwhile, the civilians are all of the other animals on the farm, like the horses and birds. The horses “would harness themselves to the cutter or horse-rake” (45), and the birds “[gathered] stray grains” (47). They all "toiled and sweated... the work was hard" (45).

Step-by-step explanation:

Underline #1 - Instead of saying meanwhile, you should say, whereas or on the contrary because meanwhile is saying that - in my opinion - there is something else going on, but if you use whereas it'll tell the reader you're comparing it to a different noun or in your case social class; same with on the contrary since it's telling the reader = the opposite of government which is higher up. Do you understand?

Otherwise, every else looks good. Great job.

User SyntaxGoonoo
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