I would suggest that you give a better explanation of the events in the story, that way the readers get more of an idea. It would impress the judges if you also give a clear plot, and a title. Maybe, even introduce more characters and fix the language errors that I explained below.
On P2, it says "Was that a smile or a smirk?" 'that' needs to be changed to 'it'.
"This time he left and made no surprise attack this time, whatsoever." 'whatsoever' needs to be deleted.
"Lunar headed for her quarters and entered it." 'it' must be erased as well.
On P4, "Never mind that, let us talk of this request Orman has given us, shall we?" change 'of' to 'about'.
"The tried to murder Orman and I" change 'The' to 'They' and 'I' to 'me'
The story is really good overall, I love the end you give to it, making the reader want to find out more about! It's perfect! Good job!