I need help with written communication personal narrative
(include paragraph designation must contain an introduction paragraph, multiple body paragraph and a conclusion paragraph in order to be complete)
This is what i wrote
DEATH OF A LOVE ONE
A death of a love one can affect people differently. Some deal with
emotion, mental, even physical and sometime all three. When i was only
16 year old two day after my birthday year of 2002 in the 12 grade I
end up lossing my grandma to cancer.See the doctor told me along with
my family already its a possibility our grandma wouldnt be able to
make it throught this process.The sad part about it I was the last one to
know anything that was going on with her.I guess my family was trying
to protect me other words shield me from knowing. Couple times I when
there to go see her, my grandma was changing everytime I when up
there infront of my eyes. I really didn't except to see her like this.I
couldnt imagine what the treatment was doing to her body or her
mind.This lady infront of me that raise me mostly all my life was dying
infront of me. I remember one time i when up there to go see her she
look dead at me i couldnt see her like that so I end up turning my head.
She probably wanted to say something to me and probably couldnt say
it.I was only been strong aleast I thought I was until that one day she
come home. That's one day never came. Now the day that change my
life forever when they annocement she had passed.Me, I couldn't believe it or I just didn't want to.This was unprepare for me.Them words she had
passed I wont expected to hear them three words maybe even for along
time but it was true.She had pass i didnt even get a chance to tell her i
love her or even a warm hug,you know.She had suffered enough
throught this sad process and she didnt have to suffer nomore she was at
peace at last.And for me go I wont be able to see her never again.This
truly became apart of me without me knowing.See my family was trying
to keep me at home from school for grief I really thought that I was
fine i really thought that because I knew she was in a better place.I
really thought I could contine going to school.I end up getting in trouble
in school,church and even at home more then a few,couldnt do my
schoolwork well anything that have to do with school ,I even end up
become very rude to people rather i know them or not. I Just didnt
wanted to listen to what anybody have to say.Seem like a hard patch
huh. And definitely hard pill to swallow. My hope stop existing when she
left this world. Loss her period affect me in so many ways I stop going to
church because my mind start place visions in my head seeing her in
the casket she was buried in.I just couldnt do church for the longest
vision seeing her in the front of the alter scare me,I knew i shouldnt be
scare but i was.Like today I'm still affected by it I haven't let go. It
definitely truly place apart in my everyday life. Ain't no day go by that I
don't think of her ,miss her dearly. I just cant move on without her. I had
learn so much stuff from her and I definitely know she looking down on
me smiling. I just know for a fact she is very proud of me what type of
woman I grew up to become. I just wanted her to be here like when i
graudate and go off to college,my first marriage, my first birth and so
much more.I believe my life would had been more at ease at that time if
it wont for her time,probably. Only thing i got now is memories and her
smile.Maybe one day we will see each other again hopefully.You never
know what to expect but cherish every moment you have with any of your love ones.We never think that one day we will loss them.Days like
these come along with side affect,Its unbeareable painful experiences.Its
a hard challenges for anyone of us.We all take life for granted.Moment
like this never goes away. It doesnt matter how you look at it especially
for a better outcome nobody wish this on their worst enemy.I guess we
all want to live and never died.We never here to live forever.
can you help me what did i wrong?